#Both are repeat subjects because I failed them the first time

[fish-shaped-cloud]

Btw if I get my Medicolegal Course or Anatomy this semester I'm drawing the labia ghoul so watch yourselves friends

[lordprettyflackotara]

get him back! || sam golbach

SMUT MINORS DNI 18+ tw: revenge sex, marking, choking

You were the finest woman Sam had ever seen.

Being in the influencer space meant meeting a lot of people. Most of them forgettable. But you? Your eyes were sparkling with diamonds, full of life. Your lips were glossy and soft, always curved upwards in a big grin. Sam could remember the first time you two had met, that being a few years prior at a music festival. You both didn’t have too long to speak, both of you too busy to comprehend. You did take a picture with him though, the image sending the internet into a frenzy. Even now he’d look at it and regret not shooting his shot. You were in your own lane, your clothing line producing so much revenue that you were now starting a make up branch as well. You were everything Sam could possibly want: ambitious, enchantingly beautiful, witty, and just as goofy as he was.

Sam thought he had lost his chance. You began dating another influencer, the two of you together for years. The blonde stared over the rim of his red solo cup, admiring you from a far. But your relationship tragically crashed and burned a couple of weeks ago, igniting a spark of excitement in his chest. He watched as you danced with your friends, still maintaining your signature smile. His chance was now and he had zero intentions of fucking up this time.

Sam was thankful that Colby was off actually mingling, because Sam’s needs and wants were scrambled. Realistically he needed to be mingling with potential business partners or creators to collab with. But he convinced himself that pursuing you technically fit into that category. Even if you were just one person in a big party. He slithered through the sea of dancing bodies, tapping your shoulder to get your attention. You turned around, a red solo cup in your hand. You smiled at the sight of Sam, beginning to greet him. Just as you did so you were roughly shoved, causing you to be pushed into him. You cringed in horror at the sight of your liquor staining Sam’s white button up.

“Holy fuck i’m so sorry,” You rambled, desperately searching for a napkin. Sam chuckled as the cool liquid soaked against his chest. “It’s fine really,” He said cooly. You were failing to find any sort of napkin. “It’s going to stain if we don’t clean it, come on,” You say, grabbing his hand. Sam tried to remain as cool as a cucumber as you dragged him to the staircase. He wasn’t sure how good he was doing, pretending to be unfazed and not jittery like he was on the inside. Your heels clicked against the wooden stairs as you hauled up to the closest bathroom. Out of the corner of his eye Sam swore he thought he saw camera flashes pointing in both of your guys direction, eventually dismissing it as him being a few shots deep. You found an empty bathroom, grabbing the towel from the towel rack. It was pure white, similar to Sam’s shirt. “It’s alright you’re gonna stain the towel,” The blonde said, trying to convince you.

If he was being truthful he was so glad someone bumped into you. It gave him the perfect opportunity to be alone with you. “Fuck the towel, i’m sure it’s owner can afford many more just like it,” You grumbled. You felt guilty about tarnishing Sam’s shirt, the pigment staining the fabric. “I really am sorry,” You repeated. Sam slowly grabbed your wrist, guiding you to stop. “Seriously it’s fine. Adds character to the outfit I think,” He joked, trying to lighten the mood. Your cheeks were flushed from embarrassment and intoxication, your lips in a thin line. You were determined to fix his shirt, even if it were physically impossible. Sam propped himself up against the bathroom counter, watching you meticulously try to dab away the stain. “So, I haven’t seen you in a while. How have things been?” He asked, trying to switch the subject. Anything he could say or do to keep you around longer he would. Your eyebrows knitted as you avoided his intimidating gaze. “Oh cmon, you can ask me about it,” You say. Sam raised an eyebrow of his own, admiring your beauty.

“Ask what?”

You rolled your eyes sassily, grabbing the bathroom door and shutting it. “About my breakup? It’s all anyone can ask me about anymore. As if I didn’t exist before him,” You grumbled sourly. Sam had to make a quick decision, one that would result in you staying in that tiny bathroom with him. “I didn’t even know you were dating someone,” Sam lied. He noticed your lips curl up into a half smile. Even if it was a lie, you were happy someone wasn’t shoving you in the same box with your ex. “Believe it or not that’s the best thing i’ve heard all night. He was quite the dickhead,” You explained. You ran the washcloth under some water, before resuming your assault on the stain. Sam felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, causing him to glance at it. “Oh shit,” He mumbled. Someone had in fact taken a video of the two of you heading upstairs. Your gaze fell on his phone, the video circulating around twitter.

“It looks like we’re going to fuck,” You mumbled. You refrained from physically face palming, opting to sigh instead. “I can clear things up if you want, I don’t wanna cause trouble for you and your ex,” Sam started, beginning to craft a tweet. At the sound of his words your eyes lit up, a light bulb turning on over your head. “You’re a genius!” You gasped, causing Sam to stop typing. He raised his eyebrows, tilting his head to the side. “My ex is a literal scumbag. If it looks like i’ve already moved on it’ll be the perfect revenge,” You explained. Sam erased his tweet, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He found his heart racing as you both stood so close to one another. “You know we could make it look more real, if you wanted to,” Sam offered. The words left his lips effortlessly, the blonde trying to refrain from blushing. The room suddenly became full of nervousness, heat rising to your own cheeks.

“How do you propose we do that?”

“Hickies are kind of a statement.”

There was a pregnant pause, one that made Sam suddenly feel uneasy. “Thats if you want to of course i’d absolutely never try to pressure you or anything-” He rambled, your giggling making him pause. You playfully hit his arm, tossing the rag aside. “Yeah yeah yeah, you modest gentleman. Now turn your head,” You giggled. Sam could feel that he was visibly flustered, the blonde tilting his head to the side. He sat on the cool marble counter, man spreading to allow you access to his skin. You stood in between his legs, your heels providing you just enough height to reach his neck. Logic told you to question giving hickies to a practical stranger in a random bathroom. Yet as you hovered over his skin you could see him swallow nervously, it made you more flustered than you would’ve liked to admit. You kissed his neck softly at first, before gently beginning to suck on the skin. Sam closed his eyes, trying his hardest to control his impending boner.

He wasn’t sure how far you wanted to go with this. He bit his bottom lip, trying his hardest to not get hard as you littered his neck with blues and purples. Sam realized it was too late once you released his skin with a pop, both of your gazes falling onto his visible boner. Your curious eyes met his.

“My turn?”

“Your turn.”

Sam wanted to make you just as flustered as you made him. He jumped off of the counter, pressing your back against the bathroom door. You gasped under his warm touch, melting under him as he tilted your head to the side. He placed soft kisses up your neck, before finally finding your sweet spot. He sucked harshly at the sensitive skin, noting the way your hands grabbed at his shirt to balance yourself. Sam could feel the way you were shaking under his touch, his teeth grazing your skin. He moved onto the next section, wedging his knee in between your legs. It was then as he reattached his mouth to your skin, he heard you whimper. Sam froze, before lifting his knee higher to see what you would do. He felt sheer delight as you whimpered again, this time his name falling off of your lips. Sam grinned into your skin, noting the way you melted as his large hands grabbed your waist.

“You seem like you haven’t been pleased properly in a long time if you’re wet from this,” Sam chuckled. You couldn’t deny how flustered you felt, but refused to cave in so easily. “I’m not wet,” You denied. Sam lifted up your dress in a swift motion, cupping your cunt. You were soaked through your panties. “If this isn’t you wet i’d love to see what that actually looks like,” Sam purred. You whined as he applied pressure over your clothed clit. “If we do this I don’t want any strings attached. No emotional bullshit,” You say, feeling breathless as Sam began to rub your slit properly. Sam grinned as he leaned back, meeting your flustered gaze. “No emotional bullshit guaranteed. Just pray you don’t fall in love with me,” He gloated. You rolled your eyes as he flipped you around, positioning you to lean over the bathroom sink. “Yeah right, I don’t do love anymore,” You countered. Sam grinded against you, causing you to whine in desperation.

“You will by the time i’m done with you,” He quipped. He pulled your panties down, grinning at the sight of your soaked folds. “Jesus baby, do you even need foreplay? You’re so wet for me and i’ve barely touched you,” Sam murmured to himself. He brought one hand around to your clit, rubbing circles around the bud as he undid his pants. He wanted to savor the moment really, but he couldn’t imagine this going more perfectly than it was. “I’m not that wet,” You argued weakly. You didn’t even know what you were really arguing for, your body tattle telling on your lies. Sam brought his cock to your aching slick, rubbing it up and down your folds. “Oh really? So I won’t be able to slide right in or anything, right?” He asked sarcastically. You gripped the sides of the sink as he pushed himself inside of you, your walls eagerly accepting him. He bit his bottom lip as he glanced up at you in the mirror. Your face was flushed, your beautiful lips parted as you struggled to maintain any form of composure.

“Something tells me you haven’t had a good fuck in a long time,” Sam concluded, bottoming out. His fingers continued to work on your clit as his cock brushed against your g spot. “Perhaps you’re right,” You admitted lowly. Sam wrapped his arm around you, grabbing your throat. His slender fingers wrapped around your neck, squeezing the skin as he forced you to arch your back. “I say we change that, hmm?” He asked teasingly. It was then he began to move his hips, the sound of skin against skin and unholy moans clouding up the room. Sam watched in the mirror as your eyes glazed over with lust with each thrust. Through his fingers he was able to admire the hickies he had littered on your skin, as well as the ones on his own. His thrust were fast and deep, abusing your cunt the way he knew you needed. Strings of curses left your lips, the blonde delivering a sharp slap to your ass. You gasped at the stinging sensation, the pain colliding with pleasure. “Moan my name baby, let everyone know who’s making you feel so good,” He ordered.

Sam relished in the sound of your obedience, his name falling off of your lips like a mantra. If the video and hickies didn’t seal your revenge, your shameless moans did. Sam didn’t stop his circles around your clit or his thrust, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you both approached your highs. “So fuckin tight,” Sam grunted. He squeezed your throat, restricting your airway. You felt hopelessly light headed as he pounded into you, your knees threatening to give out. “You can take it baby, I know you can. So good for me,” Sam purred. He nibbled on your earlobe as he pinched your clit, causing your orgasm to crash down over you. His strong hands kept you upright as you touched euphoria, your senses temporarily blinded. “Where do you want me baby?” Sam asked, his voice rough as he fucked you through your orgasm. You were breathless as you tried to get your vision to settle. “My mouth, let me taste you,” You panted.

Sam was quick to force you to your knees. Your knees roughly hit the tiled floor as your tongue flattened out across your bottom lip. You stared up at Sam as he jerked his cock, your name falling off of his lips as he painted your tongue white. His salty cum was warm and tasty, Sam watching in pure awe as you swallowed it. You attached your lips to his tip, ensuring to suck him clean. “You dirty bitch,” Sam groaned, tilting his head back. He leaned against the wall for support as you overstimulated him. When you finally released him with a pop the two of you shared a loving gaze. He kneeled down to your level, tilting your head to the side. A patch of unmarked skin stuck out to him.

“Looks like I missed a spot, let me fix that for you.”

[hunhoonie]

ᦾ FLOWER BOY ! ୨୧

⭑ in which jaeyun buys a bouquet every weekend .ᐟ sjy x fem!reader #tw: none ¡ ʬʬ word count: 0.9k

"a bouquet of peonies, am i right?" you spoke with a cheeky smile, as you caught sight of the already well known face.

it had been months now since sim jaeyun first setted foot in the little flower shop your family runned. you didn't know much about him, besides his usual order of a simple bouquet of yellow peonies.

"you got me there" he lightly chuckled, resting his arms on the counter. his gaze fixated his attention on you the second your eyes drifted elsewhere, looking for his order.

"you know, you must have one really lucky girl..." you kept talking under your breath as your hands wrapped the flowers on the decorative paper; delicate, yet efficiently. unbeknownst to you, jake silently admired your movements.

"do you buy flowers for her everyday or just whenever is my shift in the shop?" you looked up at him for a second, teasingly rising an eyebrow.

he quickly snapped back into his senses, trying to not make his infatuation too obvious "sorry, what did you just said? i didn't get much sleep tonight"

"nothing, i was just being silly. anyway, here's your order" you changed the subject, handing the arrangement to him "hope the receiver loves them"

⤿ ☽ ｡ㅈ ⋆

the days passed by, adscribed to your routine. it was already friday afternoon and, surprisingly, you were down behind the counter of the familiar shop.

your usual schedule was working only during the weekends, but your mother was attending one of your little brother's football matches and you just couldn't say no right to his sparkling eyes. so right now you were distracted, inmersed in your phone, when the little bell of the door make the announcement of a new customer coming in.

"welcome!" you said before rising your head, just for your vision to met with jaeyun's "oh, it's you!"

he took a moment to walk towards the counter, bewilded at the sight of you there. sure, that was technically your property, but he was pretty sure he had overheard a phonecall with your friend a couple of weeks ago saying you never work on week days "hi!" he tried to play it cool. keyword: tried, because you didn't fail to notice his rosy cheeks and nervous voice.

in reality, and as jongseong and sunghoon never failed to remind him when he rambled about the flower girl, jaeyun was kind of a loser. however, to your eyes he was a breath-taking, well-mannered, thoughful man that always made you wonder how in the world did the mysterious girl managed to get that cute of a boyfriend.

"picking up your usual?" you asked with a soft smile. jake felt his heart twitching.

"erm... not really. i ordered a different one today" he rubbed his nape, awkwardly.

"oh, so what it is?" you asked curious.

"tulips. white and red ones"

"that's actually a really great choice, i love tulips" you made a little chit-chat while you search for said arrangement "do you know white tulips symbolice-"

"new begginings and fresh starts" jaeyun spoke, cutting your dialogue "and red ones mean true love and passion"

your eyes connected as you both just stood there, the only thing keeping you apart being the less than two feet wide wooden countertop.

"didn't know you were into flower symbology" you cracked a smile, still holding the eye contact.

"to be honest, i'm not. just made my research because it is a gift for... someone special" he explained, his gaze still pierced to you as you proceed with your work, wrapping the flowers.

"your girlfriend really is a lucky girl" you repeat the same words of nearly a week ago. just this time they were louder. not just for him to hear, but also to get them into your own head. he had a girlfriend.

jaeyun blinked, snapping out of his own thoughts "excuse me, my what did you said?"

the entire situation felt like a deja vù. except this time he indeed understood every single word.

"here you have your flowers" you handed the bouquet, avoiding his gaze. jake felt dizzy, not knowing what to do, extending his own arms to grab the flowers. conveniently, he placed his hands just right over yours.

"you take them" he said, a shy grin growing on him as he tried to maintain eye contact.

"... what?" the breathe left your body as his eyes kept pinning on yours. you wanted to ask so much more but just the single word manage to pass through.

"you heard me" he continued, his smile only increasing as his ears shaded to pink "they were for you anyway"

"for me?" your mind spinned at dangerous pace as you could feel the heat creeping into your cheeks.

"this is not unwrapping the way i planned but... fuck" he runned a hand through his hair, making you even more dizzy at the sight, if that was even possible.

"i'm aware we don't really know each other that much, but you keep coming back to my mind and i honestly don't know what to do. my friends keep making fun of me for being so delusional and damn— my apartment cannot keep so many flowers! i tried gifting them to my mother, but after a while she started rejecting them too and…"

"sim jaeyun you cut him off, as you surrounded the countertop and meet him on the other side "would you go out with me?" your arms rose, offering him the same bouquet he had gifted just seconds ago.

with a deep breath and a dumb smile, he picked the arrengement up "nothing would make me happier"

@ hunhoonie 2025 ⤿ check out my archive ¡ ⋆

[heliads]

Hi! Hi! I have been reading your Eric Coulter fics and I don't know if you're still into Divergent but i can i request a eric coulter x fem!reader where they go from rivals to lovers and literally everyone in Dauntless has bets on them to be together?

'rumors of rivals' - eric coulter

masterlist

Four’s got another pet project, but for once, it isn’t you.

It’s a habit of his, one he’d do best to kick. Although Four may like to keep his indifferent silence and pretend as if he were a shallow-hearted Dauntless through and through, he’s got a soft spot for the people he likes. He’s got a knack for finding similar souls and winning them over, even as he acts as if he couldn’t care less about any of you. He did this while you were an initiate, and now he’s repeating the process with one of his new trainees, a girl named Tris.

Since you don’t work the initiates, you haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting Tris Prior, although you’ve heard Four talk about her often enough that you have a good gauge of her likes, dislikes, and every single conversation she’s had with your friend. For someone who claims that he couldn’t care less about anyone but himself, Four’s awfully attentive to Tris.

It makes you laugh, both when he’s around and not. Despite Four’s claims otherwise, it seems that even the toughest of Dauntless fall victim to their hearts every now and then. Despite Four’s claims otherwise, that’s one test you won’t be failing. Four may have fallen in love, but not you. Not a chance. The only decent one around here is Four, and he’s clearly besotted with Tris. No other men even come to mind.

Four and Tris catch up to you, and he begins the introductions. “Y/N, this is Tris, the initiate I’ve been talking about. Tris, this is Y/N. She’s a good friend of mine.”

Tris smiles at you. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. Four has said a lot of good things about you.”

You laugh. “It can’t be more than what he’s said about you, trust me. I think all of our conversations are now about you.”

Tris laughs too, evidently surprised at your camaraderie. “I’m sure he’ll argue with that, but I’m glad to hear it. I have to say, I knew what to expect from a Dauntless Leader, but you’re way nicer than I expected.”

You grin. “Oh, trust Four to talk up my reputation. We’re not all totally dramatic around here.”

Four rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right. As if you’re not locked in one of the worst rivalries Dauntless has ever seen.”

Tris widens her eyes, curious. “What are you talking about?”

You fold your arms across your chest. “Four doesn’t mean anything because he doesn’t know what he’s saying. There’s nothing there.”

Four scoffs. “Of course there’s something there. Tris, Y/N’s just denying it because she’s too embarrassed to admit that she’s totally obsessed with beating Eric at everything.”

Tris claps a hand to her mouth. “Wait, I know what you’re talking about. Everyone in the faction has been gossiping about Eric and one of the other Leaders. You don’t mean that–”

“Yes,” you admit reluctantly. “The rumors are about me. They’re just jokes, though. Nothing to take seriously.”

Four arches a brow doubtfully. “Of course they’re not.”

You swat him in the shoulder. “Anything more on the subject and I’ll push you off a roof, Four. Watch your tone.”

Instead of taking your threat seriously, Four just cracks a rare grin and keeps his triumphant silence. In all honesty, he’s not wrong about the gossip, and neither is Tris. You have been rivals with a certain Eric Coulter for most of the time you’ve been at Dauntless, if not all of it, and beating Eric at anything from a fight in the ring to glowing recommendations from the other Dauntless Leaders does indeed make your day like nothing else.

At this point, there’s nothing you can do to stop it. There’s no way you could ever like Eric, he makes it impossible to so much as smile around him. He’s insufferable, that’s all, and he always has been.

You remember that from the very first day you arrived. Eric had been through initiation a year before you, so of course he swaggered about the faction like he knew everything and you knew nothing at all. It didn’t matter that you mastered every challenge that initiation set before you, it didn’t matter that, at the end of your training, you came out with the highest rank. No matter what, Eric would always boast that he’d done it better when he was an initiate. And, since the two of you weren’t in the same year, there was no way of proving him right or wrong.

Once you graduated initiation, your ill-fated relationship only took a turn for the worse. Both of you were gunning for positions as Dauntless Leaders, and did everything in your power to claw to the top. It was a common assumption that only one Leadership position would be vacated, meaning that one of you would succeed and one of you would do the worst thing possible for a Dauntless:  you would fail.

Instead, both of you were appointed as new Leaders, and now you’re forced to spend even more time with him than before. Eric is more hands on, especially with his new position as an initiation leader, whereas you’re more devoted to strategy and all the ways to keep Dauntless as a faction running as smoothly as possible. The two of you clash whenever you so much as step into a room together.

Over time, this rivalry has drawn the attention of the entire faction. There’s hardly a soul in Dauntless that hasn’t witnessed the two of you going for each other’s throats at some point. Last you heard, some faction members were even going so far as to place bets as to when the two of you would get together, but that’s absurd. You and Eric hate each other. There’s simply no way you’d actually manage to get over your mutual loathing to fall in love.

“He’s an unpredictable asshole, I don’t know what else you want me to say,” you growl to Four.

Instead of being answered by your friend, however, a new voice joins you, one that makes you want to put your fist through a wall. “Are you talking about me again, L/N? I’m touched.”

Four and Tris exchange some interesting glances, which you definitely don’t appreciate. You turn to glower at none other than Eric, who’s somehow emerged out of the throngs of Dauntless milling about to appear right by your side. It’s as if he was summoned from your mere thoughts alone.

“So you heard me talking about an unpredictable asshole and immediately assumed it was you? That’s lovely, I didn’t know you had such great self-esteem.” You hiss.

Eric just grins. “You’re always so kind to me. Truly, it makes my day.”

You glance to your opposite side, hoping to deflect onto Four, but you notice that he and Tris have somehow disappeared into the crowds again, leaving you alone with Eric. You’ll have to chide him about abandoning you later, once you manage to shake Eric again.

Eric notices the changing subject of your attention and chuckles. “They left already? Can’t say I blame them.”

“Neither can I,” you fire back. “Having to spend time with you isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy.”

“See, that’s the difference between the two of us,” Eric intones, holding up a finger appreciatively as he speaks, “There’s no punishment I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s because I’m capable of doing anything to eliminate those who would rise against me. It’s what makes me a better Dauntless. I’m not surprised that you lack the courage.”

You groan in annoyance. “It’s a saying, Coulter. Goodness, I see why you’re not an Erudite. Critical thinking is not your strong suit.”

Unfortunately, Eric doesn’t seem particularly affected by this insult. “I’ll leave the critical thinking to you, L/N. The glory of battle is mine as always.”

You arch a brow. “Remind me who kicked your ass the last time we met in the ring? I’m sure the glory of battle was totally on your side then, too.”

Eric’s voice turns razor-sharp. “How about a rematch, then? Tonight. That is, if you can’t manage to talk yourself out of facing me again.”

You stop walking, meeting Eric’s eyes dead on. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Scared?”

“Not a chance,” he fires back. “I’ll see you then.”

With that, he stalks off, leaving you fuming yet again. You could name a hundred encounters that have taken place exactly like this one. It’s strange, you’ve always prided yourself on your control of your temper, but something about Eric Coulter just drags out every bit of irritation and passion from your heart.

Glancing around, you see that more than a few people have turned to look at you and Eric as you passed by, and are now whispering to each other. “Shut up,” you mutter at no one in particular, but it doesn’t seem to do anything to stop the flurry of gossip.

Great, now you’ll have another rumor to add to the mix. As if you needed any more. Grimacing to yourself, you set off again. You’ll be looking to tonight’s fight with Eric, if not for a release of anger than anything else. It would feel good to beat him up again, you decide, and it’s about time his ego got knocked down a peg or two.

Eric is waiting for you in the empty gym when you let yourself in later that night. The two of you arrive at the same time whenever one of you challenges the other to a fight. It’s become a sort of tradition. You know exactly when and where to find each other because you’ve done it so often. It comes to you like breathing, like living. Instinctive, intuitive. You and Eric may not see eye to eye on most subjects, but in the ring, it’s like he’s your double.

You and Eric face each other warily on the ring. There’s no one else here, not after hours, so the entire gym is empty. Even the smallest of sounds are amplified by the solitude, each shuffle of your feet from side to side sending ripples of echoes up to the high ceiling before bouncing back down again, creating ghosts of your every movement. The lights are dim. The shadows lengthen Eric’s already numerous tattoos, making him look as if the darkness could swallow him up entirely if you were to turn away for even one moment.

You lunge first, mostly as a feint to get his attention. At your level of fighting experience, both of you know better than to truly attack first. Eric aims a blow at your midsection, but you duck just in time, dropping low to kick his legs out from under him. Briefly, Eric loses his balance, but manages to regain it in time to send a returning strike your way.

On and on, the fight progresses, the tide rolling from you to him back to you again in an endless circle. Eric manages to pin you first and huffs out a triumphant breath, but you get him the next round. You’ve spent enough nights like this that every move seems familiar. Although the precise victor of the fights may switch off from night to night, the actions themselves have been done so many times that it feels like muscle memory.

You’re sure it’ll be a night just like any other, but then something strange happens when Eric wins again. Both of you have ended up on the surface of the mat, and after briefly striving for the upper hand, Eric manages to make it there first, and he swings his weight over you, pinning you to the ground. His hands lock your wrist onto the mat like cuffs. You try to throw him off again, but it doesn’t work, and the two of you rest there, panting from the exertion, but worst of all, looking at each other.

You wait for Eric to move off of you and begin the cycle again, but strangely enough, he doesn’t. Instead, Eric looks, he looks at you like he’s never seen you before in his entire life. You feel as if you couldn’t move a muscle, and lie there perfectly still. One twitch of a limb, one wrong breath, and he might react, or worst of all, leave. You don’t know why, but you know for certain that shattering this moment would destroy you both.

Slowly, carefully, Eric releases his hold on your arms, but you don’t swing at him. The erratic rise and fall of his chest has slowed as easy breath returns to him, but when he had held you down moments ago, you could still feel his pulse thundering in his veins, tumultuous and irreverent like the clash of a thunderstorm.

“Y/N,” Eric whispers, low in his throat and urgent. You don’t know what to say. You’re not sure that there is anything to say, not without giving something away, a secret so terrible and all-consuming that to utter it aloud would use up all of you, leaving nothing behind but the ghost of a person who had once been you.

He’s waiting. For what, you don’t know. Or, you don’t want to know. Both of you are on a precipice, the edge tall and mighty, but unlike the roof back at the entrance to Dauntless initiation, you do not know that the fall won’t kill you. You could survive this jump, sure. But you could also break your bones in the leaping, and come out of this a ruined version of someone who had thought they knew everything about Eric Coulter, and then learned otherwise.

The indecision is too great, and so you do something utterly befitting someone of your station, and you run. Eric doesn’t move when you suddenly slip out from under him, nor does he stop you when you leave the gym. It isn’t a Dauntless move to flee from a fight, but then again, you transferred here from your home faction in the Choosing Ceremony, so the habits of the brave haven’t been instilled in you completely. You still, it seems, have a lot to learn.

The walk back to your apartment seems treacherous. There aren’t that many people out at this time of night, but you swear that of those who remain, every eye is on you. Haven’t you heard the rumors? Isn’t it true that these people have guessed what you are when it comes to Eric Coulter? If they see you, they will know.

You crawl into your bed and hope for sleep, but nothing comes. You stare at your ceiling in the dark, wondering what you’ve done. You’ve claimed to hate Eric for a very long time, but the way you felt in that ring, with him looking down at you– None of that was hate. You haven’t felt an absence of anger like that in such a long time that you’ve almost forgotten how to name that emotion entirely.

You get up the next morning, exhausted and confused, and complete your daily duties in somewhat of a haze. Every one of your moves feels mechanical. Eric is busy with the initiates, so your paths shouldn’t cross. When he finds you later that day, then it must mean that he sought you out intentionally. You’re not sure if that’s for better or worse.

You do your best to shake him, but he tracks you down eventually, pulling you into an empty room and shutting the door behind him. “Y/N,” he says urgently. “We should talk about last night.”

You don’t want to, not when the way he says your name reminds you of the way he’d whispered it last night, soft and careful, none of the things you have ever associated with Eric. It wasn’t as torturous as you expected, being alone with him without a fight to separate you. In fact, if you weren’t on guard, you would even admit that you liked it.

When you remain silent, Eric sighs, frustration beginning to tinge back into his breath again. “I know something happened. We can’t just pretend otherwise.”

You glance back up at him. “Can’t we?” You ask. “We can go back to fighting all the time. I’m sure it would come easily to both of us.”

You’ve become an expert at provoking him over the years, but now, in the face of all your attempts, Eric’s gaze remains neutral. “Is that what you want?”

Yes, you start to say, but for some reason the words dry up in your throat and the only thing that comes out is a terrible, awful exhale, “No.”

Eric hasn’t let go of your hand since he pulled you into this room. He seems to remember it now, his thumb rubbing light circles back and forth against your wrist. “Neither do I. Turns out, the only thing I like better than fighting you is when we aren’t fighting at all.”

You’ve never understood it when people say their heart skipped a beat, but you feel it now, the stuttering of desperate hope locked between your ribs. “So– you want–”

“You, Y/N,” Eric interrupts. “I want you. I always have.”

When he kisses you, it tastes like victory. Hot, brave, triumphant. A thousand nights undefeated in the ring couldn’t light you up with a fire half this bright. Sometimes, the rumors are true, and sometimes, the very man you thought was your greatest rival was instead your best love. Eric is all of these things, but most importantly, he is yours.

requested by @simoneashwinis, i hope you enjoy!

divergent tag list: @dindjarinneedsahug, @poisonmenegan, @ozzynka, @rogueanschel, @with-inked-solace, @gods-fools-heroes, @23victoria, @manyfandomsfanvergent, @imwaysthelastchoice, @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed, @crazyhearttragedy, @alexs-1967s-blog, @aoi-targaryen

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[mysumeow]

──YANDERE ACE DRABBLE

ᓚᘏᗢ WARNINGS: Reader is referred to with gendered terms like girl. Yandere Ace. ᓚᘏᗢ SUMMARY: Headmage Crowley assures reader he found a way back home. Ace attempts to impede it. ᓚᘏᗢ WORD COUNT: 984 ᓚᘏᗢ A/N: Ace as a yandere is a thought that greatly amuses me. He's a silly mix between a tsun and a yandere which is kinda ironic within inself but I find the idea fun. I had this halfway written and today i decided to revisit it to finish it haha. I'm trying to finish the many drabbles I've abandoned D:

⸝⸝⸝

Ace holds on to his claim of him liking you only as a friend (... sort of) as if his life depended on it. Even if he sabotages any means of your escape from Twisted Wonderland.

First, he tries to make you doubt Crowley’s veracity.

“The headmage told you that? The headmage?” He repeated it slowly. “You’re trusting that guy after everything he has put you through?”

Headmage Crowley was, with little room for argument, not the most trustworthy person on this land. Yes, he has his instances of being helpful, but you can count the number of said instances on your fingers.

That’s why Ace’s concern didn’t seem too far-fetched to you.

“I could at least try it.” However, you were dreaming of returning home from the first time you sat foot in this place. You couldn’t just give up like that.

“What if it fails and it kills you?”

The weight with which he blurted those words took you off guard—he’d said them with absolute conviction.

“Are you... perhaps worried about me?”

“You’re a naïve, magicless girl who knows nothing of this world. I’m simply looking out for you,” he was quick to retort, as if offended by your conclusion. “Don’t read too much into it.”

“Aw, you’re worried about me,” you teased him. “You’re such a good friend, Ace.” you reached out to pinch his cheek.

“I’m not,” he swatted your hand away, both tips of his ears and cheeks growing red. “Geez, you can be annoying sometimes.”

Used to his attitude, you just chuckled at his response. You couldn’t help but wonder why everyone in this stupid college was at this level of emotional constipation. And if not everyone, a good portion of the student body wasn’t an exception.

Ace racked his brain trying to convince you to stay. He couldn’t waltz into the Magic Mirror’s chambers like he owned the place and destroy it, nor could he threaten the headmage. All he had left was to convince you not to go back to your world. Or implant fear into the fatal what-ifs of the mirror malfunctioning. Deceive you.

His words were half truths. Yes, there were a couple of cases of the mirror sending living beings into another dimension, but they were presumably dead since the subjects never reported back, nor did they send any signal of making it out alive.

But it was a long, long time ago. Maybe millennia. Since then, the arts of magic have strengthened and perfected, minimizing the margin of error. It was plausible for the headmage to have found an irrefutable way back to your universe.

A fact Ace didn’t like one bit. To the point he sneaked into Professor Trein’s office and seized one of those old dust-covered books that archived many accidents that happened because of the mirror.

Sleepovers at Ramshackle happen often enough for Riddle to not even bat an eye when Ace must report to him that he’s going to spend the night over there.

“Oh, do come back with this homework done, Trappola,” Riddle dropped the pile of textbooks on Ace’s awaiting palms. Of course, much to Ace’s dismay. “I’ll personally revise it and do corrections if needed. Am I not such a great housewarden?”

Ace had a couple of thoughts that would differ from that claim, but he nodded along, not fond of the idea of getting collared.

The next step of his plan consisted of roping Deuce into lying to you as well. It wouldn’t be easy, given that he tended to be more sincere (in comparison to himself)... However, no matter how much Deuce attempted to be a goody two shoes, the fact that the news of you going back home would devastate him increased the chances of it being easier to convince him.

Ace surmised such, at least.

“Leaving? The headmage actually found a way to…?” Deuce trailed off, an evident ache within his chest. After some contemplation, Deuce accepted the inevitable. Deep down, he knew the day would arrive. Eventually. Although he’d hoped for it to be later. “I-I’m glad about it! I really am. You know how important of a deal that is.” To go back to where you belong and see your loved ones…

“That’s not the point, Deuce.”

“Then which is it?”

“The problem is that you both are blindly trusting that headmage’s word. Everybody knows how unreliable he can be. Don’t you think so?”

Deuce opened his mouth to refute; yet the longer he thought about it, he couldn’t come up with any good argument.

“Well, Crowley can be reliable. Sometimes.”

Ace’s lack of conviction was evident in his deadpan expression.

“Are we talking about the same guy? The one who abandons us to our own devices during hardships? The one who made the prefect deal with these past overblots? A magicless student, at that.”

“Okay, fine. I get it. You’ve got a good point there. What should we do, then?”

“We’ve got to convince the prefect to not head into the mirror. I borrowed a book. It contains logs of past attempts to send people back through it. None of them successful.”

Deuce eyed the book. “Those happened a long time ago.”

“Yeah, but the prefect doesn’t need to know that detail, duh!” Ace rolled his eyes.

“Ace—” Deuce caught the meaning behind Ace’s words, and, as much as he wished for your friendship to not come to an end, there was a voice nagging him at the back of his mind. “We can’t do that.”

“Don’t be a wimp about it.”

Deuce clenched his fist. “Hey!”

“And we’re not doing this for ourselves—we’re doing this for the safety of our prefect.”

Despite a certain sense of doubt pestering him, that was enough convincing for Deuce. This wasn’t for himself or for Ace. It was for you.

Yes, that’s the sole reason. He assured himself.

[sweetdispatch]

Nervous (in a good way) - A. Fantilli

Songs masterlist pairing: Adam Fantilli x fem!reader summary: Adam almost failed lecture but this pushed him into her and wanting to make her his warning: none

She and Adam were attempting the same classes. He was focused so much on hockey that he almost failed one subject. Their professor told him to ask her to help him with a project and studying for an exam that was coming up. When his eyes laid on her, he was happy to do it. She gladly accepted his offer to help him with this.

It started with weekly study dates. Super fast they became friends and have been hanging out almost every single day. They develop feelings for each other but she told Adam that she’s not ready to get into relationship. He was disappointed but made this his mission to prove himself to her. Their relationship can be summed up by he fell first, she fell harder. 

Adam never thought that failing classes can bring him to the love of his life but he was thankful for that. They were coming from different worlds but they shared the same feelings and could understand each other without words. That was the most important thing for both of them. 

You said your house wasn’t far, “So come over”

She and Adam were coming back from their date. However it was still an early hour so he proposed to go to his room in college. She wasn’t sure about this idea. They haven’t been dating and wanted to take it slowly and see when it leads them. That’s why she was avoiding meeting him in his dorm. 

Adam saw her reaction and quickly said that no one was there because everyone went to a party. After debating, she agreed. They went to his dorm and as a real gentleman, he opened the door for her. They didn’t do anything special. He played a movie and they spent two hours commenting on every scene. 

When the movie ended, Adam proposed to drive her home. It was almost midnight and she knew that he had training tomorrow so he had to wake up early. She said that she can get back home by herself but he wasn’t too certain about letting her go at night. That’s why he insisted on driving her back. She knew there’s no point of arguing so she just nodded and let him guide her.

And the boys before loved to play their games

She had feelings for Adam. She appreciated him and all the things he was doing for her. Although she had bad memories from a previous relationships, that’s why she was scared to trust him fully and label what’s between them. He understood that and didn’t push her. He was waiting for the moment when she’ll be ready. 

Her trust issues were coming from all the guys she was flirting with back in high school. She was opening for them but they always left her without a word. She felt like she was just a part of a game for other guys. That's why she closed her heart and didn’t want to repeat it again. With Adam, it felt different, but she needed time. 

Yeah, you make me nervous

But in a good way

She felt so natural with Adam’s company. Nothing was forced and he was easy to talk with. She loved sharing his interests with him knowing that he doesn’t have a clue about them. He always listened to her stories with passion and asked her questions. At first, she was shy when he was asking her about everything but with time, she found it cute. She felt finally appreciated.

Sometimes, it made her nervous when she was around him. Adam had a great memory and he would ask her about things she told him weeks earlier. Many times, she was taken aback because she thought that he was asking her out of politeness but he genuinely cared about her and her stories. In those moments, she knew that he’s the right guy for her. 

I put my head on your chest 

And I felt your heart racing

One night, Adam came to her after his match. She was surprised to see him in front of her door but also was delighted that he trusted her enough to show up. It was a tough loss and she was willing to help him get over it. He laid in her bed and she did the same. She played a movie but when he hadn't said a word, she knew it was bad because he was always yapping during movies.

They haven’t been touchy. Adam didn’t want to throw himself into her personal space and she didn’t want to ruin their dynamic. This time, she risked it and cuddled into him. He gladly hugged her. She put her head on his chest and focused on his breath. They just laid in her bed cuddling and watching movie. After a couple of minutes, he thanked her for this. She hadn’t said anything, only clinged into him. 

I can make you nervous 

But in a good way

Adam never was a shy guy. He was outgoing and willing to make new friends but with her it felt different. When she was giving him compliments after his games or his looks, he was timid. From other people it felt normal but the moment she said it, he got all red. She meant a world to him and it was bizarre to him to hear those things from her mouth. 

His brother saw the effect she had on Adam. He knew that he fall hard for her because he never saw him this shy and nervous. It wasn’t uncommon for him to giggle after receiving messages from her. Luca was happy that his younger brother finally found someone who made him this way and hoped for them to work out. 

My cheeks turn red, ‘cause I get shy

With time, she opened on Adam. She was grateful for having him and they’ve been spending plenty of nights talking. He always found time for her in his busy schedule. His favorite thing was giving her compliments, pep talks and gifts. He loved seeing her so shy but the most he adored the way her cheeks were turning red from his affection towards her.

First time when Adam asked her out on a date, she was all red. She didn’t expect that and she tried to cover it. He laughed at this sight, making a mental note at her reaction. This was the view he wanted to see every day. In that moment, she fell for her seeing how she reacted to him. None of the girls ever reacted this way and he knew that she’s special. 

You start to stutter, can’t find your words

After the draft, Adam knew he had to ask her to be official. He didn’t want to lose her when he moved out. That’s why he planned a date in their favorite spot. He was nervous, not really sure if she would agree. He knew the risk of a long distance relationship but he needed her by his side. This whole year proved to him that she’s made for him.

On their date, Adam was a bundle of nerves. He didn’t know what to do or say. In casual situations, it was easier for him but he knew she deserved a princess treatment. When he saw her in a dress entering the restaurant, he was at a loss for words. He swore that he never saw such a beautiful woman. 

Adam couldn’t find the proper words to compliment her and was looking on her with such love. She felt nervous when he hadn’t spoken to her, thinking that she’s looking bad but she pushed the thoughts and started asking about his draft. He felt like he was ripped out of transe. From this moment, everything went smoothly until he knew that he needed to ask the question.

Adam started talking about their friendship and how grateful he was for meeting her. She was looking at him expecting the worst, but when he asked her to be his girlfriend, she froze. After a couple of nervous seconds, she agreed. She knew that he’s the best guy for her.

[verystrxxwberry]

The mcl boys with a deaf s/o ?

MY CANDY LOVE; routes with a deaf S/O

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: fluff, MCL routes, sfw. ↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Hi! I want to apologize if I said something wrong related to this subject and if it gets to be offensive. If it offends anyone, please let me know and this post will be deleted. 

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

CASTIEL

Being realistic, at first he was a bit mean because he didn’t know how to have patience.

When you both met in high school, he didn’t know you existed because you never talked to him, and there was a good reason after all. It wasn’t until you both were in a team project that he got to know of your existence and realized that you were actually deaf. He tried calling your attention a few times, even yelling at you, but there was no use. Lysander had to inform him about your condition when he saw how mad the red-haired guy was getting.

Castiel felt bad for thinking you were a clumsy shy person. He tried to be patient, but when he was in high school, his patience was notorious thanks to the lack of it. He waved at you to call for your attention and communicate with you by basic signs, like pointing at some stuff, nodding or shaking his head.

He ended up using his phone to communicate with you through messages, and there he realized that you were an interesting person after all.

He is observant so he analyzed the way people communicated with you, being aware that he had to face you directly and get your attention. 

During his free time he learns sign language to have more communication with you, but also to impress you a little. He mainly did it because he also thought that it’d be more comfortable for you if he was more communicative in person than in messages, as he used to be.

He used to beat up those who dared to make fun of you when you weren’t looking at them.

So sometimes you’d see that Castiel was missing for a week, and he’d simply say that it was because he was sick or something. He wants to protect you from the negativity and bullshit of other people.

With years the communication got more fluent and he definitely didn’t regret learning sign language for you. 

He may get confused with some signs at first, using them wrongly and accidentally saying the wrong stuff. To fail like that made him really embarrassed…

He also worked his patience thanks to your relationship and because he loves you and respects you enough to not mind repeating stuff in sign language when he accidentally tried to vocally talk to you first.

He sometimes is glad that you are deaf so he can practice some songs with his guitar late at night. He’d warn first that he would go to sleep late as he’d be practicing for future concerts.

Just so you know that he is there, he keeps a hand on your left shoulder or the small of your back. It is very characteristic of him , so you quickly realize it is him who is touching you.

Whenever you both are in public and someone tries to talk to you, without knowing about your condition, he basically translates it to you after they are done speaking.

NATHANIEL

When you first came to high school, he was well informed about your condition and he had no problem adapting to it. When he got the knowledge about it, he practiced sign language for the day you came to school. He is surprisingly good at it and you were relieved that there was someone in there who knew how to communicate with you.

He made you feel welcomed there, and that was his main goal. He knew that his sister would probably make fun of you and he made sure to stop her before she did anything. If anyone dared to make fun of you, he’d gladly send them to receive a scolding from the director.

Nathaniel has a natural charm which made you feel safe as the first person that helped you to know the school better, so you relied on his company.

He has trained his patience thanks to his sister, and not only that but he can be patient when he likes what he is doing. When he acknowledges that his company is positively received by you, he’d be even more glad to help you with anything you may need. 

Whenever there is a third participant in the conversation, he has gotten used to talking and using sign language at the same time so both of you and the other person can get the information at the instant.

Even years later, the condition of you being deaf has not been any problem for any of you. Sometimes he likes to be in a quiet environment, and knowing he is beside someone who brings him peace and is not yelling just as the household he used to stand it’s simply perfect.

He wouldn’t even allow you to think less of yourself for being deaf, even if it has its difficulties. You are still a lovely person and that is the only thing that matters to him.

There is a subtle smile on his face every time he is focusing his attention on you. He gets lost mid-sentence when he is signing to you, simply because he got distracted by your beauty. It is amusing to see how he gets confused with the signs and then excuses himself by saying that you are too beautiful for his attention.

He is very attentive, so it is easy to get his attention whenever you need something.

LYSANDER

He knew there was a new student who was deaf, but he had no interest in getting to know you at first. He is quite the introvert and prefers to be on his own, as he also finds it difficult to take the initiative.

Still, he was aware that maybe you were lost during the first weeks, and more in a place where people weren’t used to communicating through sign language. He himself didn’t know really well how to communicate like that, but he used his famous notebook to talk with you, even if he lost it lots of times.

You will, once again, be a victim of his notebook research. There is no escape.

He is extremely patient and attentive when it comes to communication. He would like to learn sign language directly from you, but he would also end up learning it on his own so he doesn’t bother you that much during your free time.

At first he might seem really confused when not being able to identify too good your signs, so you’d have to be slow and patient as well.

He always carries a notebook around in case his knowledge fails to let him communicate with you. It is quite cute how he gets frustrated when he doesn’t remember a sign correctly.

Hey but it is a truly nice detail of him to dedicate a big part of his notebook to you, as he will leave some white sheets to write things to you. During class you two would communicate like that and fortunately teachers wouldn’t mind as they know what his intentions are after all.

With years, he will make sure to make his knowledge of sign language more fluent, and you might find him some days learning on his own.

He admires your strength in a world where not many people will be able to communicate with you due to the lack of knowledge of sign language.

Whenever he realizes someone is judging you, he’ll wrap an arm around your waist and make sure that you keep his attention on him so you ignore them.

In the future, after high school, he will check his notebook to see the first times he communicated with you before he learnt sign language, smiling at the little conversations you had through a simple pen and a paper.

KENTIN

He is your childhood best friend and has grown up learning how to communicate as you also learnt sign language, so you both basically learnt at the same time. He has always been patient and good to you.

Communication has been no problem since the beginning with him!

Maybe when you both were little kids there were a lot of misunderstandings because… well, you both were kids.

His eyes were always on you, making sure you didn’t feel left out at any moment and that you could understand everything others’ said. 

Even after the military school he kept being the same loving guy as always (I love him). But now he had more confidence that if anyone dared to laugh at you, they’d pay it hard later.

Kentin wants to make sure you are comfortable and happy no matter your condition. Because being conditioned to hear doesn't mean that you do not deserve to be happy or not enjoy your life. He is well aware of your insecurity of not being able to hear, but you are still a human who doesn't have the fault of having been born this way. You are even more human than other humans. Kentin will be there whenever you overthink about your condition making you less. He believes you are a loving person and will definitely prove that you can enjoy the experiences that life offers!

He knows how to call your attention and when you want his, and whenever you ask for his, he drops everything he is doing to check on you.

He might not have patience with everyone, but his patience never ends when it comes to you. 

He is kind of scared of something happening to you when you go outside on your own since you can’t hear anything. That's why whenever you are going out he begs you to please look around calmly and be truly careful with the people and cars around you. He doesn't want to overwhelm you by always being beside you, but if he can accompany you wherever you want, he'd be more relaxed.

ARMIN

The first time he tried to talk to you in class, and he literally was even yelling to the point everyone turned around to see him like ???

You realized something was happening when everyone turned around in a certain direction. When you turned around to check what was happening, you saw Armin frowning and looking at you as he moved his lips but without making any sound. You found yourself in the same situation as other times in which a person talked to you without knowing you’re deaf. You signed him and at first, he didn’t even realize you meant that you are deaf, until other classmates told him.

He felt truly sorry when he realized he was angrily calling for your attention when you didn’t hear a single thing from him. 

He knows nothing about sign language and at first the communication would be through reading his lips or messages through the phone. Sometimes he forgot that you were deaf, making it difficult to communicate, and more when he spoke so fast that you found it harder to read his lips.

Still, he found comfort and liking in your company.

He likes it when you are the one teaching him sign language, even if he is lazy. Still, he wants to communicate comfortably with you and feels like he owes you all the comfort he can give you.

He is bad with it… even years later. There is basic communication, and he makes his deepest effort on learning it correctly because he loves you and wants you to be good in your relationship. 

The communication will mainly be through writing messages and his clumsy sign language. He understands you better than signing himself. He probably signs in the wrong order most of the time, but you get to understand him most of the time.

The first things he learnt to say were mainly stuff related to videogames…

One of the good things is that when you are sleeping and he is playing games late at night, he gets to yell at people and curse them with all his rage. He used to get scolded by his parents or Alexy, and now he can be free to scream with no fear. Even though if you hear just a little, he will be respectful and not yell because he definitely doesn’t want to disturb your sleep.

RAYAN

The moment he knew there was a student in his class who was deaf, he had no problem with it and found it exciting that he was finally able to put in practice his knowledge of sign language. I believe that he is the kind of person to join random classes such as cooking, learning languages, learning how to do some creative stuff… simply to spend his time and improve his skills. 

One of the very first classes he joined randomly was sign language and he found interest in it. When he got you as his student, he had no problem. There was barely a barrier with communication.

As he did the class he was also signing so you understood from him. Sometimes he got quiet to sign, forgetting about speaking because he was focused on communicating with you and keeping your attention.

During your relationship, things go slow as a regular one. He considers that your condition doesn’t stop him from anything in particular. He can still have reading dates with you, go to the museum with you, go have a coffee with you… And mainly, he can have a good laugh with you too.

Just as Nathaniel, whenever he communicates with a third person and you are there, he naturally translates his words into sign language. Even if he isn't a part of a conversation and you look at him with an expression of “help me” since the other person doesn’t know that you are deaf, he will help you to understand.

He will never interpret any bad thing that has been said about you. He simply makes the conversation end and then you two go to somewhere else that’s nicer.

If you like reading, he shares his books with you. You will find small notes in the sides of the text, indirectly commenting some stuff to you.

If you don’t have hearing aids yet, he will get them for you. He wants your deepest wishes to become true no matter what. Yet whenever you wear them he’ll forget that you wear them and will keep signing to you.

HYUN

When he met you in the Cozy Bear Café, he thought that you hated him since you ‘ignored’ him. He became quite sad and confused at first, trying to call your attention but seeing that you were looking at the other side. It wasn’t until he dared to approach more and you signed to him that you couldn’t hear that he realized what happened.

It was a big relief for him to know that you didn’t hate him, he simply wasn’t able to get your attention as good as he’d like.

Unfortunately he found himself not knowing truly well how to communicate with you, and his main option would be through the notepad of the café, where he’d talk to you.

Hyun hated to be very nervous around you because he didn’t want to make you feel ignored or bad because he didn’t communicate with you. He wanted to be around you more. He wanted to be someone you could rely on no matter what.

He admires your effort when you work in the Café and your patience with everyone. He gives you small notes of compliments to cheer you up as you work as he finds endearing your presence.

He felt weird at the beginning with the awkward silence there was in the environment, but he got used to it and definitely enjoyed sitting beside you with no fear of being in silence. He finds your breathing comforting.

He joined signing language classes even if he mainly communicates through notes and physical contact. 

Hyun has no fear in scolding your boss if she ever dares to make any comment or consider you less just because you are deaf. You are one more in the work, your dignity deserves to be respected.

He confessed to you with a bucket of flowers and a small note that said “I like you a lot” with some hearts drawn around. It was pretty cheesy of him but it was cute to see him blush as never before during that moment.

Whenever he goes to work he leaves a note in your nightstand like ‘have a nice day!’, ‘make sure to eat and drink properly’...

Whenever you aren’t wearing your hearing aids, he’d simply take advantage to mutter how beautiful you were as you were giving him your back. He admires you like a fool in love. 

Wearing hearing aids would be an easier way to communicate between you and Hyun, as he’d be able to talk and also to understand your signs clumsily. He’ll always repeat what you signed in a confused tone to check if he got it right.

PRIYA 

She is very observant, so when she sees you from afar that you sign to another classmate that you are deaf, she simply keeps it in mind for the moment she needs to communicate something to you.

When she first communicates with you, she goes directly in front of you to get your attention and with that kind and sweet smile of hers she starts signing at you.

Just like Rayan, Priya decided to learn sign language simply because she was interested in learning it, and also because she thought that knowing it would open opportunities for her to get to know more people and make deaf people feel included when she was around.

Oh and thanks to this knowledge she got to meet you and she will always be satisfied with learning sign language.

Things do not really change in your relationship due to your condition. She keeps communicating with you naturally and believes that you being deaf isn’t a limit in your relationship.

She will save with you, giving you a part of his money if you do not have hearing aids because she would like you to hear about the good things life has, just as the sounds of nature or some good music. She is aware that it is overwhelming to wear hearing aids when you aren’t used and then you suddenly hear everything. 

Priya is always attentive to your reactions and your feelings, so the moment she sees you being anxious or something about your state, she’s gonna bring you to somewhere more calm so you can relax and rest your ears. 

She has a lot of words to say when someone disrespects you. She will argue for as long as needed until that person apologizes to you and she signs you to not forgive them because they do not deserve it.

With Priya your dignity and self-being will always be protected because she will make sure you are alright and not affected by any of this.

✰; remember to reblog and like to support my content, I hope you enjoyed it!

[m1ssyp1ggy]

SPOILERS!!

Let’s talk about Yelena and Bob’s relationship since they are my new Roman Empire and I will be taking about this for a WHILE.

The first time we get them to interact we see how Yelena is the first one to be okay with Bob(for the most part), she’s the first to lower her gun when around him and separates him from conflict immediately when John provokes him. You can also see how comfortable he is around her, even with how mentally messed up he is. The little “therapy” thing he is joking with her and she jokes with him, a gentle look surrounds them when they are around each other. She is very protective of him, even when losing her cool with him when he pushes her to an edge after she fails to jolt the power back on. While he tries to say he can help Yelena is focused on keeping him out of harms way.

When Bob “sacrifices” himself to get the eyes off of them, you can see how badly Yelena wants to go back. She has to be told that he did it for them, that they have to leave. The others noticed how she wanted to go get him, a clearly unstable man she just met and has already grown a connection with.

Bob also clearly does it for her mainly, all the others have been to him is rude to him, except Yelena. And even when she gets mad at him, he sees it as reasonable. “You only make it worse.”, the way those words hit so deeply when he’s talking to himself. You can tell this man has been through a lot. And yet he “sacrifices” himself for these people he just met? He clearly wishes to be better than what he believes he is.

When Yelena realized that Bob was the Sentry test subject we see that the others don’t really care (John lacking any empathy. Ava not caring because she’s been through it herself), Yelena is the one to mention about how cruel it is to test on someone like that. Even when with Bucky he is being talked about as a threat but Yelena clearly doesn’t see him as such.

When we first get a look at Sentry she looks gut wrenched at the sight. The others only see it as proof he’s a threat, but Yelena looks so hurt at the sight. How he had dyed his hair, how Val speaks to him as though he’s a child. The whole time she has this look of fear, not of him but for him. Even when the others go to fight him you can hear and see her actively try to get them to stop. She doesn’t want Bob to get hurt. Even when she was thrown across the room by him the only look on her face was these emotions.

Even when acting as Sentry you can tell he doesn’t want to hurt her. Even when he says it to everyone, it seems more focused and genuine to Yelena.

When the Void is taking over, Yelena doesn’t run. She realizes something. “You will all see the truth” “We are alone.”, this isn’t a Bob who is wishing to kill, it’s a Bob that is suffering through a pain he wants everyone to feel, a pain she can recognize. That’s why she walks into the growing void. Why she yells for Bob in her memories, how she breaks through each memory and catches glimpses of Bob in the mirrors. She actively seeks him out because she doesn’t want to fight him, she wants to help him.

When she does find him she approaches in a comforting way. Trying to see understanding while also trying to get everyone out of the void. But the car she holds, seeing how his memory is of his abusive father’s behavior, his mother repeating the words he tells himself; "You only make things worse.” She comforts him properly this time. She tells him not to shove it down, to over come it because it will feel much better. To have someone to go to, because it works for her, it gives him the confidence to be able to do so himself.

An understanding it between the two, they’re both messed up, both have issues. But they have each other. They can be their outlets, the person they can go to.

(Now, this is what got me choked up.) The moment the Void traps everyone he looks towards Yelena first, and begs to the Void not to hurt HER. The Void mocks him, teases him and that’s what causes him to fight the Void. To fight the thing that he’s scared of the most.

And Yelena is the first one to notice that him fighting the Void is what it wants, that it’s consuming Bob in the process. You can see the desperation she has as she tries to get his attention. The desperation she has as she breaks free. To get to him. And the first thing she does is giving him a hug! Whispering to him in his ear that he isn’t alone while the void yells out lies. She’s here, and she’s here for Bob.

Honestly, their relationship is the one I connected to the most in this movie, and I want to see most of it because of how precious it is. I wouldn’t be mad if they got together as a couple, but I’d prefer to explore their friendship first. They clearly care so deeply for another. Bob wants to help her and keep Yelena safe, while Yelena wants to help Bob through his rough times and be there for him. They both need someone, and they are that someone for each other.

It’s so sweet and I love how marvel pulled it off. It was a relationship dynamic I haven’t connected with so deeply in a movie since Peter and MJ. (Haven’t watched Brave new world yet, but sounds promising as well.) It was something I really wanted to see marvel do and it was perfect. Touching into mental health was what really did it for me and I really wanted others to see it as I do.

[fruitgumy]

Do you have any head canons for the shigaraki twins???

the ones i have are mostly silly and unserious fhsjskak but yes!!

1. i like to pretend that the captain hero comics are actually captain america, and the "demon king" is red skull. that's just cause i personally love captain america lol but considering all might is a mix of superman and captain america it is kind of thematically relevant. i like to imagine afo was a little bit thrilled at the idea of having the chance to defeat a hero like him.

2. a little while after afo killed the luminescent baby, yoichi was briefly successful in attempting to get afo to live a semi normal life. afo tried to stop committing crimes for yoichi's sake, but ended up just doing it behind his back instead because he didn't think it was that big of a deal. yoichi finds out and the betrayal is one of the major turning points in their relationship

3. yoichi likes kpop. like, he's a full on kpop stan. but he also likes music in general, and loved to go to shows. afo hated it, and stood on the sidelines looking awkward and terrifying and generally killing the vibe.

4. in another world where quirks don't exist, they both are just really into larping and roleplaying games. yoichi always plays a physically imposing fighter/brawler, and afo plays a wizard or warlock. they are both very chaotic in their roles.

5. yoichi is an artist, and he's really good at it too. his favorite subjects are the abandoned buildings he grew up in. he likes how nature is reclaiming the dilapidated structures. it reminds him that there's still hope even in their bleak little world.

6. afo robs people for presents to bring back to yoichi. at first, he says that he found them, but as they get older yoichi stops buying this excuse and starts refusing the gifts.

7. they both like sanrio even though they'd never admit it to anyone, or even each other.

8. the first time they get their own place to stay, they still sleep on the floor right next to each other because it's all they know. they don't start sleeping in beds until much later, and separate rooms come well even after that. when one of them is having a bad night, they will still go to the other's room and climb in bed together, although yoichi's visits to afo's room gradually decrease. eventually yoichi can't stand the idea of it, but afo keeps coming and yoichi feels too guilty to turn him away.

9. on the topic of unhealthy codependence, afo talks to yoichi's hand as if yoichi can hear him. he will even sleep with it, trying to recreate the many years they slept hand in hand as children.

10. if afo had been successful in stealing ofa, kudo would've beamed images of him and yoichi making out into afo's head to deal psychic damage to him. that or the brother eughh meme on repeat

11. yoichi made friends easily, and afo was always jealous of it. people were always drawn to yoichi, but afo felt that the only way for people to like him was through displays of power.

12. they both have older sibling syndrome. yoichi feels responsible for leading afo down the right path despite his quirk, and he feels that he failed miserably. afo felt responsible for keeping yoichi safe, and he failed as well.

the brothers of all time 🥳

[pevensiegiigi]

My problem with the Prince Caspian movie

The reason i love CN:Prince Caspian is because of how Andrew Adamson squeezed the emotions out of Peter. From the frustration of being an adult locked in the life of a child who wants to return to his land/country, the happiness of returning to that place he loves so much, the sadness of knowing that it was destroyed, the anger of knowing that a descendant of his destroyers would be the one who would ascend to king of his country and the guilt for being forced to leave Narnia again with no possibility of return.

My post is not to talk about those emotions, but i wanted to mention them anyway.

My post is to talk about my dissatisfaction with how everyone in the movie mocks Peter's words and orders, ignoring the title of high king. Except Edmund and Reepicheep; the rest, from Lucy and Susan, who are his royal sisters, to Trumpkin, Caspian, and Glenstorm, who are his subjects, disrespect his title of high king.

First Trumpkin by not addressing him with respect throughout the film, mocking his nickname, berating him for "leaving Narnia" and then making a fool of himself in the Stone Mountains when they searched for Caspian.

He is followed by Caspian, who equally disrespects Peter's position. Caspian is a prince from distant lands who intends to rule lands that he does not know, wanting to review the words dictated by the great king.

There's that scene where Peter suggests infiltrating the Telmarines' castle and Reepicheep asks, "What do you suggest, Your Majesty of him?" and both Peter and Caspian respond at the same time, a staring match ensues between the two which Peter obviously wins. The thing is, Caspian shouldn't have answered Reepicheep's question in the first place because the rightful King of Narnia was present let alone challenge him with his eyes because, I repeat, HE IS THE GREAT KING OF NARNIA and, not least, peter is Older than him. . . Maybe he didn't know it or maybe he did, but humanly Peter at that time was 31/32 years old although he would look like a child and as if that were not enough in the years of Narnia, Peter is 1300 years older than him, while Caspian was around 17 Just years, so...

Peter's plan to infiltrate the castle would have worked if Caspian had followed Peter's orders and we all know that, but no. He completely ignored Peter's order to go to the door and Susan supported that disobedience, don't get me wrong, but i'll tell you how it is. It's not just Caspian's fault that the infiltration failed, if Susan had supported Peter instead of Caspian, everything would have worked out and Cornelius would have been released at the end of the infiltration.

Caspian's most obvious disrespect towards Peter was challenging him to a duel in front of his people when Peter called him a usurper and it's not entirely a lie, he really was a usurper. From the moment he thought he was the leader of the Narnian rebellion, even knowing that he had called the old monarchs, he became a usurper, or at least it was for me. I understand Caspian will get mad at being called a usurper, but he called Peter irresponsible as if Peter wanted to leave Narnia when he didn't and then dared to duel him on HIS EARTH!?!?!?! The least he deserved was execution.

Third, Glenstorm. The mere fact that he was looking at Caspian as if he was waiting for his orders to follow the ones he received from Peter is disrespectful.

Lucy when she pretended to embarrass him by reminding him that it was Aslan who defeated the white witch, not him. I UNDERSTAND that being her sister he has every right to reproach her if she disagrees with something because he is also Monarch of Narnia, but why didn't she do it in private? At that moment, she took away from Peter part of the authority over the others.

I'm a little glad that at the end of the film in a scene they let us see how Peter showed that his title of Great King and his nickname of magnificent, he didn't have them just for decoration. However, it bothers me that throughout the movie they tried to make him look stubborn when he was just angry and outraged.

Peter is the character in the entire saga that carried the most weight and yet he did not complain about what Aslan gave him, his greatest wish was to return to Narnia and stay there for the rest of eternity, which he achieved.

That's why i love the movie 50% and hate it 50%.

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

more Grojband au drawings and headcanons bc apparently I only like making fanart for fandoms that are non-existent or on the brink of extinction.

(au ramblings after the keep reading)

Relationships

Platonic/Familial:

Lanes and Larry (nickname Lars or Lars Bar) got really close during middle school. They found comfort with each other bc they were in similar situations regarding their crushes. They'd sneak off after band practice to rant to each other about their band leaders and just wallow in self-pity. And that didn't really change as they got older. If anything, they got even closer, acting more like siblings than friends—they even got similar/mirroring piercings to match and wear coordinated outfits—, constantly ranting to or annoying each other at any opportunity. However, their audience doesn't really believe that it's just that (having given both of them the titles of casanovas for dating each other and their band leaders). And neither does Corey. Which, as you can probably guess, often leads being a point of contention between them.

Kim and Konnie: I've made them really close cousins. Why?. Because I can! jk jk but tbch I just wanted to add some variety in the lineup's dynamics. I'm also playing with the idea of one of them being half-white and the other being half-Filipino and having them be raised in different households to see how that would affect the different ways in which they'd interact. They are still close like sisters and each other's best friends, they were born on the same day and wear matching hair ties like friendship bracelets, but I want them to have things about them that make them different from being exact copies of their counterparts. However, this is definitely subject to change as I explore the concept more.

Corey and Carrie: acquaintances. Over the years their rivalry has seriously mellowed out and are more or less pleasant with each other. They will tease each other from time to time but that's kind of just what you do when you've known someone as long as they have.

Mina and Trina: Not quite sure where to put this one lol. Their relationship imploded senior year when Mina confessed to her and Trina responded in the worst way possible. Now Mina is doing school abroad and Trina had to repeat her last year. No one really knows what happened but rumor has it that Mina had said something so bad to Trina that it made her completely break. She doesn't hang out with anyone and she rarely, if ever, talks. She spends all her time alone in her room or at her job that nobody is even really sure she has.

Romantic:

Kon and Konnie: they are just happy and cute together. They started hanging out together more during sophomore year when Konnie's gym closed down and she had to go to a new one. They were definitely more awkward at first, they didn't really dislike each other but their friends did so they kind of just...didn't interact, but once they actually started talking they found they got along really well! They would often spot for the other and offer encouragement when working out. Inevitably they caught feelings and tried dating in secret. But that didn't last long (bc ofc it didn't lol) and they got caught. Both bands were more irritated than mad but eventually got over it.

Kin and Kim: a bickering old married couple. they are constantly 'breaking up' and then getting back together the next day. They are snarky and live for drama and gossip. They both think that the other is more in love with them and can control them bc of it. In reality, they are both equally whipped for each other but refuse to admit it. They constantly 'fight' to show that they aren't in love then somehow always fail miserably every time. They haven't made their relationship public and hopefully never will. They like having their fans think they're single and that if they found out it would ruin their images as the mysterious prince and princess of their respective groups. The bands' reactions to them range from exasperated eye rolls to mocking laughter.

Larry (yes, I'm sticking to calling him Larry) and Carrie: ??? Larry adores Carrie and she knows this. He makes it very clear and is willing to do almost anything for her. But how Carrie feels for Larry is unclear, at least that's what he says to Laney. She will treat him like a best friend and they'll hang out alone without problem, but she will have this weird distance about her that she doesn't close. That is until the cameras come on. During interviews and shoots, she will pull him close to her and say things that can be easily interpreted and romantic, but when asked to specify she will laugh and deflect the question. Then, once the cameras are off, she goes right back to being distant. He is unsure whether or not she actually likes him romantically or is just refusing to clarify for the sake of the band, but he'll lean into her touch whenever or wherever it's given. He seems to have come to terms with this being their dynamic and just...goes with it. There is one thing he knows for certain, he loves her and regardless of whether or not she cares for him romantically, he will stay by her side no matter what. Oddly enough, whenever the topic of Larry and Laney's relationship is brought up, Carrie refuses to talk about it. To be honest, she'll act like she has no idea what they're talking about and bluntly steer the conversation towards literally anything else.

Laney and Corey: Contradictory. Laney has essentially given up on forming a romantic bond with Corey. However, her actual feelings don't seem to have gotten the memo. She still cares for him so much it hurts. So much so that she's come to terms with the fact that she will never be able to be with anyone romantically because of it. Laney used to love the high of being in love, floaty and light, and now she feels more like a suffering addict, lost and panicked. She drowns in every touch and caress given to her but at the same time feels burned and scorned every time she realizes how simple and platonic they are. She can't blame him for not liking her back, but she's come to resent him for it. Just a little bit. She sometimes even wishes she had never met Corey. Constantly thinking about the life she could have had had she not been pulled into the living whirlpool that was Corey. She loves him, and he doesn't know it. But he holds her closer than anyone else. He is possessive of her and her attention. Whenever it's directed towards someone else, Larry especially, he pulls her back into him and refuses to let her go. This makes it even more unlikely for her to move on, in fact, it makes her angry. They argue about it often.

I have the beginnings of several scenes that explore these relationships and stuff but I'm not too sure I wanna share them just yet ^^; (my creative writing skill is a bit more than a little lacking lol)

[houndbitexx]

beach life-in-death - car seat headrest is SO DERAPCHU CODED like if i had infinite time id make an animatic to it, in this essay i will....

(ramblings under cut)

the fact that the songs repeating themes are loneliness, waiting, depression, and boykissing. youll never guess what ls!derapchus repeating themes are.... youll never guess what he spends most of his time doing...

just after the songs beginning with all of the 'what should i do? eat breakfast, what should i do? go to the store, what should i do? apply for jobs' with him just waiting for wemmbu to get back for so long. with him just doing what he has to fill time while he waits indefinitely

'i wrote beach death when i thought you were taken, i wrote beach funeral when i knew you were taken, i wrote beach f*gs well it wasnt about us... but it couldve been, well no it couldnt have' with all of his failed teaming attempts (sticklers, pangi, ect) most of which he could of joined if things had just gone a little differently

'I spent a week in ocean city, i came back to find you were gone, i spent a week in illinois, i came back to find you were still gone' the constant waiting, anything else just being a sidequest to the constant of waiting. for wemmbu, for zam, for the server

'i pretended i was drunk when i came out to my friends, i never came out to my friends, we were all on skype. and i just laughed and i changed the subject. she said whats with this dog motif, i said do you have something against dogsssss' the pangi videos, and his screentime/overall presence just being bits about being freaky. he pretended he was drunk when he came out to his friends. augh

'i am almost completely soulless, i am incapable of being human, i am incapable of being inhuman, i am living uncontrollably' him being isolated for so long, him not being grouped in with anymajor group, an outlier prior to zaun

'it should be called anti depression, as a friend of mine suggested because its not the sadness that hurts you, its the brains reaction against it' the defence/ repiration of spawn, zam (and by association zaun). while all are constantly griefed. its not the loss that hurts him its his own reaction against it

'its not enough to love the unreal, i am inseperable from the inpossable, i want gravity to stop for me. my soul yearns, for a fugitive from the laws of nature' the prot 4 exploits, and the possible upper hand that comes with them, aswell as the stigma and moral statement of exploiting

'i want a cut scene, i want a cut from your face to my face, i want a cut i want the next related video' his alliance with 4cvit, forged over this exploit, as well as being some of the only lore going on while so many people take breaks

'last night i dreamed he was trying to kill you, i woke up and i was trying to kill you' sunkissed and deraps manipulative tendancies, hes so scared of mapic hurting zam that he is hurting him himself unintentionally

'its been a year since we first met, i dont know if were boyfriends yet' sunkissed, and the return of the theme of isolation that runs through both his whole character and this hole song

theres so much more but this post is getting so long already augh!! love this song though go listen to it

[mediocreanomaly]

Baby Fever with Trigun Boys!

Authors Note: I’ve been so obsessed with the Trigun baby post recently it’s been filling my head with thoughts, so here’s all the Trigun boys with if they would want kids + how many kids I think they’d have! (w Livio, Razlo, and Legato because they never get enough love 💔)  

Trigger warning: hints of pocd in Legatos (his is at the very end so you can stop reading before his if it’s a sensitive subject) 

Vash:

Would Vash want kids? Yes...eventually 

•When he first thinks about having kids with you he’s over the moon excited but then the longer he thinks about it the more nervous he gets. He does want a baby but he already feels bad for dragging you along and putting you in danger, and he’s got a bit of a self-loathing streak (he makes me so sad) so he’ll probably slow down and try to convince you to wait until he stops his brother to have a family

•The other thing is he’s also not even sure if it’s possible, plant and human hybrid??? It’s never been done, not that he’s not eventually down for trying

•Although once he gets it in his head that you want a baby with him he discovers a side of himself that he didn’t know existed until now, rest assured you won’t be leaving the bed anytime soon.

•If you get pregnant before Vash can stop his brother he might mope just a bit apologizing despite you not really being mad, but it doesn’t last long. Then he’s both super excited and super stressed! What do babies need? Are you hot? Cold? Do you need him to carry you? Need help reaching something? He’s there fussing over you like a mother hen

•If you get pregnant after he deals with Knives, then he’s a lot more eager right off the bat, excited to start a family after everything he’s been through (still a mother hen though)

•Vash 👏 has 👏twins 👏

•Two little girls to be exact! one for each arm, one for each parent! Double the cuteness!

• Vash is a very good dad, eager to raise his children the way he thinks Rem would want him to, plus he has you! They grow a bit faster than human children thanks to the plant genes but not nearly as fast as Vash and Nai grew up so luckily you guys get to still enjoy them being small

• As the twins grow up they are eerily similar to how Vash and Nai were as children. In fact Vash gets a bit nervous when his other little girl takes on so many personality traits of his older brother, he stresses about it a bit, not that he didn’t love Nai but he doesn’t want history to repeat itself. Luckily he has you by his side, every time he lets his thoughts run wild, he watches the way you so gently parent the twins...he takes a small breath of relief. He feels in a way...he failed his brother but this is different, this time it’ll be okay

Wolfwood:

Does he want kids? Yes  👍

•Wolfwood loves kids so it’s natural he’d want some of his own especially if it’s with you

•Thing is slightly similar to Vash he’d be a bit reluctant to have kids right now. He’s got a lot on his plate and he also has a bit of a self-loathing streak (Trigun Boys x therapy) he isn’t sure he deserves to start a family with someone as good as you

•When you do start a family Nick goes from 0-100 real fast, and by that I mean he goes from being protective to guard dog mode 24/7 but can you blame him? He’s seen how dangerous the world is he’ll die before he let’s anything happen to you or his unborn child

•Your first kid is a little girl, one that grows up to be...a little too much like her father. Sarcasm is her default speech and she’s a little headstrong, but very protective of her family

•Now I don’t see enough people talking about this but??? Wolfwood??? would for sure want to adopt a kid??? He grew up in an orphanage, so of course your second kid was adopted. As much as he loves your daughter he knows how much the kids at the orphanage need a good home, so you welcome in a little boy. One that's a bit timid and shy and reminds Wolfwood all too much of little Livio when he was young, safe to say it pulls on his heartstrings

•The last kid is the baby! Your daughter and son are a bit older and the third was admittedly a bit of an accident, not an unwelcomed one, but not planned. Either way Nick is happy about it (plus he’s really good at taking care of babies) In all you tie off your happy little family with three kids (four if you count Nick lol)

•Wolfwood is a good dad though. Also, he’s the kid's favorite, so expect to get jealous when, after school, all the kids run into his arms. Don’t expect condolences either this man will look up at you, all the kids in his arms, and give you the biggest shit-eating grin, too...the bastard.

Knives

Would he want kids? Yes if you take care of them lmao

•Okay so unlike Vash and Wolfwood, Knives sees himself as an apex, so he can protect you and his kids from anything, if he decides he wants kids he doesn’t feel the need to wait

•The only thing is...it’s cannon. He’s got a thing for impregnation, right? But you have to realize this is for Plants, plant children aren’t like human children (or in this case plant/human children?) they grow a lot faster, understand a lot quicker, and he’s not the most...nurturing guy in the world. 

 •So buckle up because you’ll be in charge of most of the children's care! Don’t worry too much though, if you ask for something he’ll provide it so you won’t ever need to stress about not having anything. 

•During the pregnancy he’s fiercely protective over you, keeping you in his private wing in a plush bed. Only letting Legato help take care of you and Conrad whos in charge of your check-ups

•Now honestly I’m not sure how many kids he’d have, so I see one of two options

•option one, an only child. One that he has you raise then begins to take more under his wing as he or she grows up. A child that's, in a way, the heir of everything Nai has built, one that will grow to be as strong as their father (with hopefully a bit more care thanks to you)

•option two, lots of children. Once he sees you pregnant the first time...well, he likes you like that, might as well keep you like that all the time, right? Besides don’t you want to continue his legacy?

•Either way he does like love his children, he just has a hard time showing it. He tries to show he cares though I mean, you’ve seen how he is with Vash. Honestly, I think it’s easier for your kids to understand their father's affections since their half-plant gives them a better insight, you know? (if you mess with them it’s literally the quickest way to die though so it’s not like they aren’t under his care still) 

Livio

Does he want children? 100% Yes!

•This man...ugh this man

•Livio 100% wants kids with you, he’s a gentle giant and a soft soul at heart. He wants nothing more than to settle down with you and have a couple little feet running around.

•This man is so patient and so caring with you. He’s also a little scared he’ll hurt you once you’re pregnant. I mean, look at you!!! You’re so cute! Waddling around all that baby weight, what if he crushes you? or bumps into you and hurts the baby? What do you mean that's not how that works?

•Despite his worries you welcome a happy healthy baby girl, who he’s still a little apprehensive about hurting at first but once you guide him through holding the little bundle of joy he’ll settle a bit

•So you have your first little girl, and after about a year you decide to try for another. You and Livio decide you want to try to have one boy and one girl, the only thing is...you have another little girl! But that's okay! Because a year after that you try again...and have another little girl. Livio accepts his fate after that.

•all jokes! Livio really does love his little girls to death, he doesn’t really care if he has a little boy or not, besides it’s endlessly hilarious to come home and see this hulk of a man surrounded by three little girls, one of which has dressed him up in a pink tutu so he can attend her royal tea party, another using her cheap kid make up to make him “the prettiest girl at the ball” while she smears eyeshadow on his face and another one yet pulling what hair he has into multiple little pigtails. 

•Now I do have one small headcannon that only applies if you are in a relationship with both Livio and Razlo. If you are in a relationship with both the boys then Razlo sees the girls as his kids but not his kids if that makes sense...as in he helps raise them as his own but he doesn’t feel like he in particular made them you know?

•Razlo will probably ask if he can try for one kid with you (if you know what I mean) and you'll end up with one more kid, your youngest, and of course...it’s a boy! Razlo will never let Livio live this down, he will tease Livio about this fact forever. “What like it was hard?” “Shut up Razlo” 

Razlo

Does he want kids? Maybe?

•Razlos was a little on the fence about kids at first. He’s spent his life training, protecting, killing. As cocky as he acts he isn’t sure he’d be a good dad.

•Once he gets more settled into his life not constantly fighting he’ll start to consider it though, because Razlo does like kids it’s just...he spent his whole life protecting Livio he had just never really considered the fact he might one day have a family of his own

•When you’re pregnant he follows you around like a puppy, his broad form is like a large shadow keeping a watchful eye over your smaller form. Unlike Livio though he’s a little less scared of his strength, in fact he likes to use it to his advantage, why waste his gift right? So expect him to try to carry you around everywhere. Also don’t even think about lifting anything, that’s what he’s for!

•As mentioned in Livios, if you are in a relationship with both Razlo and Livio, then Razlo will only really try to get you pregnant once all of Livio's kids are born. He’s content with raising all the girls and one little boy. (Razlo also gets swept up into the parties. He puts up a bit more of a fight and complains a bit more than Livio does, but he loves them, so he deals with it.) 

•As for his little boy he tries to get him into more traditionally masculine things so he can have a break from playing princess but he’s actually very accepting of whatever his kids want to do. If his little boy ends up liking the stuff he does? Great! If he doesn’t and just wants to join his sisters? Also great! I mean, he’s a little less thrilled there are now four sets of hands hastily applying lipstick to his face, but that’s life. (Jokes on him, it ends up being one of the little girls who’s a little tomboy. “papa Razlo? can we go catch bugs?” “Oh thank god yes let’s go”) 

•But!!! If you are in a relationship with just Razlo then it’s a bit different. He’ll probably end up with two kids, both boys. The first boy is a lot like him, very loud, blunt, and protective. He’s also a bit of a trouble maker and it doesn’t help that Razlo is a bit of a yes man which ends in both of them with their heads bowed while you scold them

•Your younger one is a bit more of a gentle soul. A lot more shy, more of an introvert and defiantly glued to you in his younger years. Razlo doesn’t 100% understand his interest as he gets older but he does try, in fact his shy nature reminds him a lot of Livio which makes him a bit protective of your youngest. In all he ends up being a great dad

Legato

Does he want kids? No.

•Now listen, you need to understand, this man did not have a good childhood, in fact he didn’t have a childhood.

•He doesn’t have any experience with kids and the way he was treated as a child...yeah he’s got a lot of trauma around the whole concept of children as a whole, and honestly it’d have to be pretty far in your relationship for him to even be willing to be physical enough with you to even have the chance to conceive a kid.    

•So no he doesn’t want kids. 

•But let's say accidents happen and somehow the two of you are a bit careless and you end up pregnant 

•oh boy are you ready? Because Legato makes me really sad. He’d be a bit distant during your pregnancy, he doesn’t really know how to feel about all this, he never imagined himself as a father and now...

•When your baby is first born (a little boy) you’re going to have to do all the care. It’s rough but honestly with his trauma? He’d be scared to death to touch his kid. He’s paranoid. He knows what he went through and he’s scared. What if he hurts his kid? What if the same thing happens to him? In reality he’d never and I mean never hurt his kid but it’s common for this kind of paranoia in victims of the type of abuse Legato suffered.

•It’s a rough couple of first years, but after some reassurance (and therapy! Please get this man therapy!) He slowly comes around. No matter what though he’s protective. Like I said he knows how cruel humanity can be, and even in the first years with his paranoia he’ll be damned if anyone hurts his little boy. In fact he might go a bit overboard and refuse to let anyone even touch him or pick him up besides you

•Once he settles in though...it’s not so bad. He slowly warms up to him, admittedly it’s a bit rocky at first. To your little boy, Legato is a bit of a stranger living in the same house as him since Legato refuses to let himself get too close, but give it time, and they’ll slowly bond.

“I’m told you like to read?”

 “...yeah” 

“Maybe...I could give you some of my favorite books? Would you like that?”

 “...okay.”

•Don’t worry!!! The two end up okay. Despite the less-than-ideal start, Legato gains more confidence the more he interacts with his son. Especially since they have a lot of the same interests. At the end of the day, Legato realizes something, he wants to give his kid the childhood he never got to have.

[annotatedamblings]

annotatedAmblings's Homestuck Reread Liveblog: Act 1 (part 1, pages 1-125)

Although liveblog posts will contain analysis due to how we like to engage with media, liveblogs are primarily a collection of whatever thoughts came to mind during our reading. Liveblog posts are constructed with each mod drafting their own live reactions separately before combining them, so some sentiments may be repeated due to both mods noting it down. Any analysis within a liveblog post should not be assumed to be our complete thoughts on the subject, and we are not particularly experienced with analysis.

Blue = Mod Aluria Pink = Mod Jasper Arrows (>>>) are used to indicate commentary on each other's commentary.

Almost immediately, I'd like to take note of the usage of color (or lack thereof). The house is mostly white. I don't have any smart comments on this right now but it is an interesting stylistic choice. >Liveblog stitching! Aluria here, I think I was thinking about how it could relate to the feelings of isolation I touch on later in this post.

Page 9: It took way too long for any of this sylladex shit to be even remotely comprehensible to me the first time around. Am I stupid. >No, sylladex mechanics can be a bit tricky to get to, something which narration on multiple pages acknowledges.

Page 10: It's fun to see sylladex shenanigans :]

Page 16: A thing I always liked about the suggestion format is how subject the main character is to the player's dumb fucking whims. I like that about point and click adventures also. >Checked what page is page 16. F in chat for Zoosmell Pooplord and the unwanted desire to shit on his desk.

Page 18: It just occurred to me how the manner in which the sylladex mechanics are encountered via the reader prompts fucking around and finding out really is like a video game without much tutorial.

Page 19: "Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you. Plus, a black president??? Now you've seen everything!" 1. I like the funny foreshadowing 2. ah yes... a tongue-in-cheek ironic joke that feels a little distateful.

Page 22: I do find the Homestuck Beta to be an incredibly charming little gag.

Page 24: the names of his programming projects on his desktop are a fucking MOOD. "FUCK FUCK FUCK" indeed. John's desktop is just like mine fr. I believe I have an audacity file somewhere titled "fuck my life", and our screensavers are equally bad and weird. >Clearly experiencing emotions best conveyed with the word 'fuck' is a universal experience of creators.

Page 26: I think one of Homestuck's strengths is how it pulls off making the dialogue of teenagers feel like the dialogue of teenagers. >THIS. Always this. There are many times that I as a Real Teen (TM) have read a page of Homestuck and gone "yeah, I've had this conversation in real life."

Page 31: Genuinely deranged collection of games. John's bad taste knows no bounds. Also why do you have Bard Quest on DVD. Why would you put Bard Quest on a DVD. It's literally a browser game that's like 100 pages long. >Actually it's 47 pages. That makes it worse.

Page 34:

Infinitely amused by the mood settings in Pesterchum. "happy :) happy :) happy :) happy :) happy :) INCREDIBLY PISSED D:<"

Page 35: Dave is acting as a tutorial npc Me when I fucking lie. Dave honey no one wants you. I'm conflicted about Early Homestuck Dave because he very much fulfills the role he is meant to and sets up his later character arcs perfectly. But he does so by annoying the fuck out of me. >See you're right about that second sentence and it makes perfect sense in context but out of context that sounds so mean lmao.

Page 37:

I could look at the kind abstratus for hours. Also, the planning had to be insane for this. Literally every strife specibus used in Homestuck, no matter how out there, is on here (I think. I only did a quick scan). >Decided to attempt to verify this by looking for all the trolls' strife specibi and immediately failed with Aradia's whipkind. I am sending Jasper to Autism Hell for the crime of being wrong. >>I am being set on fire! Sad! (But hey, there IS still a lot of very specific canon strife specibi in there that I'm willing to bet were there on purpose. Canekind, for one). >>>If I had to hazard a guess, it's possible that some of them were either picked by looking at that page, or just that there are so many potential weapons on there that of course some made it on. In some cases planning ahead may have occurred, but I am not Andrew Hussie so idfk.

Page 39: "EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant." heh. the fact that Dave knows more about the minutiae of sylladex mechanics, in particular how strife specibi work, takes on a more depressing tone when you contrast his home environment with John's healthier parental situation.

Page 48: First Betty Crocker mention! fun fact once i infodumped about Homestuck to my dad and now the Batterwitch is a running joke we reference whenever we purchase Betty Crocker products. Genuinely surprised the Betty Crocker Wikipedia article isn't protected at this point. >It isn't, but if you go to the talk page it seems like it's been a point of contention before.

Page 50:

"It doesn't matter that it's April and not terribly chilly outside. In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception." fascinating quote in conjunction with Page 27's "In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL." certain things simply must be the way they are. So there's a lot to be said about the whole fireplace thing but I've had time to ruminate and I'm starting to notice that John seems to have a pretty rigid worldview, maybe? I'm collecting data on this and I don't wanna speak too soon, but a lot of these lines seem to have the underlying implication that he's very much of the opinion that the status quo is not to be questioned or challenged ever, and things are the way they are because that's how they're supposed to be. In perpetuity. Forever. Even if it hurts you. You can see it in the recurring gag on this page and the one with the tire swing; you can see it in the way he talks about his dad; hell, even his joke book is a kajillion years old and described at one point as being at times super racist because of its oldness, as well as being too big to carry around or navigate efficiently. This is an especially fitting trait for him to hold considering he's from the suburbs. Not only are suburbs considered the picture of the American Dream, that idyllic image has historically been upheld through forcible exclusion of anyone who didn't fit into it. No wonder it took her 16 years to transition. >More than 16. :( >>Oh yeah I'm sure it's like. Decades (I haven't read HS^2). But it's been 16-ish years since Homestuck came out.

Page 51: Burn fucker burn.

Page 56: not much comment other than the transition from 55 to 56 and the bit that comes with it got the first audible giggle of this reread!

Page 63: I genuinely believe Rose is a contender for funniest character in Homestuck (speaking only in terms of intentional funniness). >It hasn't had much chance to come up yet, but she is rather silly wrapped up in a dry exterior and I think this fact should be acknowledged more.

Page 68: kinda funny to see John unable to captchalogue the doll because it's 'too big'. Act 1 feels rather quaint on a reread. >Genuinely. By act 6 we're captchaloguing literally whatever the fuck. Planets and shit. >>The fucking Tumor. >>>The fucking Tumor. Gotta get that HTML right. >>>>Oh I'm sorry Formatting King Jasper lemme just format all over the place. Trans women are really cool. That sentence only looks correct if you're on dark mode. sad!

Page 71: Is that. Is that the fucking Cirque de Soleil.

Page 74:

a continuation of the bit regarding the tire swing and the fireplace. this combined with John's willingness to commit to the bit even when it is unpleasant is rather fascinating for his character.

Page 77: FIRST [S] PAGE! "Showtime (Piano Refrain)" is a great song that also hits really different on a reread. Ah, but that is a subject for... *checks notes* 7021 pages from now. >You and your music commentary making me straight up melancholic all the time.

Page 78:

"The peanut gallery over there sure is getting a kick out of it. You are allergic to their scorn." I am unusually fond of this joke. Page 72's mention of John's peanut allergy was a funny enough moment on its own, but the additional reference/pun? Delightful. The jorker.

Page 79: The usage of a Hi-C commercial also hits different on a reread.

Page 82:

"You have a feeling it's going to be a long day." Oh, if only you knew... Homestuck's title page! I love how desolate the audio is, and I think the prose on this page adds to the feeling of isolation. Isolation is a theme throughout Homestuck, and with John as the Heir of Breath in the incredibly isolated environment of suburbia... ah, I just really like this page! This page is also where Act 1 gets its name on the adventure map: "The Note Desolation Plays." There's literally nothing I can say about Windchime Foley that isn't abundantly obvious but GOD does it set a tone. It's the first real hint that this is more than just a silly little adventure comedy.

Page 89: "Your DAD sees right through your costume! You don't know what you were even thinking with this foolish ruse!!!" early example of a recurring pattern of John viewing himself as stupid, foolish, etc.

Page 90:

There isn't much to this Flash, but I do like the animation, and "Showtime (Original Mix)" is a banger. The vibe with John and Dad's strife is SO different from the next two strifes. For obvious reasons (Dad Egbert is a good father). >True! It's very unserious. John is aggressively rejecting his father's cake, for fuck's sake, meanwhile Rose pulls out the empty suicide threat against her mother parrying with alcohol and Dave is. Dave.

Page 110: "TG: im wearing them ironically TG: because theyre awesome TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome" ah yes the classic "i'm totally doing this ironically and not sincerely".

Page 111: I do enjoy the meta bullshit of the characters being MSPA fans in-universe. Tragically, Midnight Crew will never finish because of the world ending. Sad!

Page 112: I <3 Self-Referential Jokes

Page 122: I should go back at some point and do a cake count of just how many goddamn cakes John's dad made. >I checked. 4. 2 in the room, 1 downstairs, 1 he was actively baking. 4 cakes for 2 people. If June came out to him in a no-Sburb AU every pharmacy stocking HRT in the area would be in crisis mode.

Page 125: Sorry but I will literally never stop finding sylladex failure funny. PDA BANISHED.

[pebblysand]

Hello hello! So i finished reading ch 22, and i have a lot of thoughts, but one that I kept thinking about, and i don´t know if this was intentional or not, is Robard's character, and how it reminded me of jkr, and her public opinions and persona these last years. How she gradually (and not so gradually, lately) became a transphobic bigot, basically. And i always thought "how did you get there, jk? where you always like this? or you became like this because of the way people harrased you over some tweets?" (i actually don't know, i hadn't read her twitter for years up until today out of curiosity, and... 😬) I kind of felt that with robard's character, i loved that, really. Felt, like most of your story, very realistic. Anyway, i wish you a great weekend full of delicious food, drinks, and whetever you consider fun 🤠

hello! thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed!

this is such an interesting question and one that i've meaning to post about for a long time but have been - i must admit - a bit of a coward about, lately. addressing JKR on tumblr one way or another is always a sure way to get anon death threats in your inbox, an experience that i've had in the past and wasn't keen on repeating. but i think this needs to be said, and it needs to be said publicly.

so, to answer your question, no, this wasn't per se intentional. i didn't set out to have a parallel between robards and JKR, although now that you mention it, i think my thoughts about JKR may have permeated his storyline subconsciously because yes, you're totally correct, there is definitely a parallel there. and, i think your question of: "jo, how did you get there?" is probably one of the most important unaddressed questions of our time.

i've been reading a lot of takes on tumblr lately. metas and purported text analyses that say stuff like: "umbridge is represented as being feminine and having a high-pitched voice, therefore JKR hates women because she thinks femininity is evil" or, "hermione is ugly and therefore JKR hates women because she thinks women have to be ugly to be clever/successful," or "JKR didn't say dumbledore was gay until after the books came out, therefore she is homophobic," etc. and, while i think people are free to disagree with me and i don't want to single anyone out, i think these takes are at best misguided. at worst, a bit dangerous.

misguided because frankly, reading the text and JKR's actions in that way is, imo, demonstrating a complete lack of understanding of history, the publishing industry, artistic creation and symbolism, and overarching themes of the work. it's taking elements of a narrative completely out of context and making them fit into a specific agenda. this idea that: HP is a terrible story, the author is evil, has always been evil, and anyone who still enjoys this work is a bigot. it's an insane take to have when talking about one of the most popular and critically acclaimed coming-of-age saga of the twenty-first century. hermione is a very feminist character. umbridge is also a very feminist character. they are both, of course, subject to the implicit biases of their times and have to be read and studied critically within that framework, but failing to understand the intentions behind their creation shows - again, in my opinion - a very dire lack of media literacy.

having said that, if those takes were just plain wrong, i wouldn't mind them as much - after all, i'm a massive believer in people's right to be wrong. but where i think these takes really pause a problem is that as i've said before, the underlying goal is to prove, by taking things completely out of context, that JKR was "always like this." i personally think that's a terribly dangerous argument to make.

because, the truth is: she wasn't always like this. JKR was a feminist. she was a leftist, a militant. someone who wrote one of the largest odes to love and tolerance and respect that our generation has known. she called to vote labour, advocated for social policies, gave huge amounts of money to incredibly good causes, and was an inspiration and model for thousands of young girls and women worldwide (myself included), both through her own success, and through the strength of the female characters she created. she had her flaws, of course. her belief that motherhood is the ultimate goal is problematic. her urge to take down pornographic fanfiction that involved her works in the early 2000s was unfortunate. but generally speaking, she was not always a bigot. she became one. and that is essential.

i think we too often see JKR as the cause of the problem. and, these days, it's true, to some extent, she is the cause of the problem. she funds abhorrent organisations which tragically seek to undermine trans rights, she uses her twitter platform to spread awfully bigoted ideas and is now slowly falling into antisemitism. but i think what we miss with the above is that she isn't just the cause of the problem, she is also a symptom. just like women who fall into MLMs are both perpetrators of financial abuse to the women in their downline, but also being abused by the system themselves.

JKR is the most famous and tragic example of a trend i've personally seen happen around me time and time again, of formerly left-wing people in her generation and older, slowly falling into conspiracy theories, bigotry and racism. of people who used to be sane moderates (either on the right or the left) now sliding further and further to the right.

i think it is very easy to dismiss these people by saying "they were always racists" or "they were always homophobic/hateful of women" when, in fact, that is not true. were they flawed and were some of their opinions imperfect? sure. but at the core, these people were progressives in their time. but they totally missed the train of modern progressivism. worse, they’re now actively going against it. and by saying they were always like this, we are steering away from studying the real cause of the problem, asking why these people became like this (as you put it: "how did you get there?") and looking for a solution, instead of writing them off as crazies.

i think regarding JKR, we can have conversations about how/why she became like this, although i think a lot of people online are not yet ready to have this conversation. i personally doubt there is a single cause. having read the ink black heart recently, i think two things appear clear to me. 1) she is chronically online to a truly terrifying degree, and this is coming from me, another truly chronically online person. 2) she has reached a level of fame and fortune and isolation that means she is now surrounded by yes-sayers, and is not exposed to much contradiction. i also think it is undeniable that there is a world of difference between the beliefs she expressed in the 2020 essay, which were misguided and potentially harmful, but not hateful, and the current state of her twitter account. as someone who has experienced death threats from trans activists before, i do sympathise with the fact that it’s hard to build empathy with people who yell in your mentions that you should die (in my case, simply for writing HP fanfic). whilst i obviously have managed to maintain empathy and understand that in some ways, this extreme reaction is the unfortunate pendent of the hate trans people and activists themselves receive and the work of a very loud minority, my experience is nothing like the scale of what she experienced. whilst i still think she was slipping into transphobia way before the onslaught of hate she received, i can’t imagine this helped.

but again, i think what is important to understand and realise is that this phenomenon goes beyond internet hate, and goes beyond JKR herself. i always think of my mum's best friend when i think of this. she's eighty-three now but in her day, was a hardcore, bra-burning feminist. she was childfree by choice in a time where that was not an accepted choice, and is one of the strongest, most open-minded people i used to know. yet, a couple years ago, i went to her house on holiday and she explained to me straight up that she'd fired her cleaner for wearing the hijab, saying "i don't want people like that in my house." and, of course, this is abhorrent (and also illegal) but like JKR, like millions of people, she didn't use to be like that. she became like that. and it is fucking dangerous, in my opinion, to pretend like these périple were always these worthless bigots, instead of asking the right questions. "why?" and, also "how can we get them back?"

and, you're right: robards's trajectory in castles is a bit like that. because i think i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and again, because i’ve not expressed these thoughts out loud, they might have influenced my writing. and whilst robards in castles was always a bit more on the conservative side, he was someone who fought in the war. he was someone who fought with harry to open the muggle unit, etc. but somewhere along the way, he took a right turn that, again, millions of people in the real world have taken. and there is such a strong drive, right now, to write these people off. to think they are not worth the light of day, and are completely unsalvageable. and, there is such a strong pressure from a very vocal minority of millennial and gen z liberals to just cut ties with everyone and everything problematic. these injunctions to hate JKR and everything she's ever produced, to get rid of your HP tattoos, to stop writing fanfic, is the same as the injunction people make to stop talking to and cut off your racist relatives. and, if you don't do these things, you're a Bad Person™, a Bad Liberal.

first of all, this is frustrating because this sounds a lot to me like a "holier than thou" mentality that has plagued my catholic upbringing. this air of superiority about who is or isn't more of a sinner drives me nuts, and frankly, i've no interest in living in a "perfect" world of only interacting with the most "pure" individuals and materials amongst us. i find that these people are transposing values of fundamentalist religion into the left-leaning sphere in a way that is deeply grossing me out. i do not need a morality lesson, i certainly do not need to be told how to be a Good Liberal or a Good Feminist.

but i also think that this idea of just dismissing the way older generations are slowly falling into the traps of the far right and of bigotry as "they're just old" and "they should just die out" is also deeply misguided. because, again, this is preventing us from looking at the root cause of the problem. and, who's to guarantee that the disease won't spread further? i find it deeply optimistic and borderline deluded to think that we can just let boomers die out and that Everything Will Be Fine. bigotry and racism are a gangrene that spreads and slowly permeates every layer of society. i would know - i grew up in a region of france that was always far-right leaning, and i've watched that disease spread and spread to other regions, other branches of society, in the past twenty years. and believing that this won't touch younger generations, or permanently change the way we think, is a fallacy. we're seeing it happen in france right now. bardella, the new far right leader, is 28 and is now reaching french gen z on tiktok, and it's fucking working! more and more young people are voting for these candidates. and what's the plan here? are we just going to let them die out or further ostracise them too? write them off as permanently morally corrupt? send them death threats to change their mind like so many people did for JKR and her people?

it would be awfully presumptuous of me to pretend like i have the solution here. i don't. and whilst robards isn’t a character that is important enough for me to give him a redemption storyline, it doesn’t mean we should stop trying in the real world. and, trust me, i know it's hard to continue interacting with these people. as i said, i grew up around them and have struggled with holding back screams all my life. when my mum's best friend said what she said, it took everything i had in me not to just walk out. but we've got to keep trying. we've got to keep loving. i still love her. she's still one of the most important, foundational people in my life. and i still love JKR, in a way. i hate what she's saying, but i still believe a change is possible. or else, we're just giving up on humanity.

[moonstone-reading-nook]

The Stormlight Archives: The Way of Kings

While I commonly engage in literature of all genres, there are few who hold as special a place in my heart as fantasy. There is something about a fictional world of great scope and scale, built meticulously to feel both lived in and varied as our own, that deeply intrigues me. Several months ago, I completed my read through of the highly regarded Wheel of Time series by beloved fantasy author Robert Jordan. That is what introduced me to Brandon Sanderson, who completed the final three novels in the series following Jordan's passing. While not able to entirely recapture the Jordan's uniquely thorough writing style, I believe Sanderson to have done an outstanding job in wrapping of the story based off of Jordan's extensive notes, putting the pieces together in a final novel that exceeded my expectations in every regard.

I have read several books in the time since; several non-fiction psychology books, as I've been struggling with my mental health, as well as addressing some classics I have yet to read: most notably The Catcher in the Rye. However, my mind was continuously drawn back to Sanderson. After the year it took to read through all 14 novels and the prequel of Wheel of Time, I had made myself hunger for another meaty fantasy series I could bite into. So I decided to read Sanderson's largest series, The Stormlight Archive, a series planned to be 10 novels with the 5th to be published in December. My plan going forward would be to read one novel of the Stormlight Archive, then read a classic or two before I returned to the series, which I'd repeat until I caught up. And so, having completed the first entry, I wish to put my thoughts to (digital) paper. These are my thoughts, opinions, and analysis of The Way of Kings.

The story of The Way of Kings is divided into three major plotlines, jumping between them while sprinkling in occasional smaller POVs across the world. One plotline follows Kaladin, former soldier turned slave, desperate to save the slaves he as been placed with to serve as manual labor and distractions against enemy forces. Closely tied is Dallinar's story, following the brother of a murdered king whose death started the war Kaladin is now trapped in. He struggles with a commitment to follow the Words of book named blasphemous that his late brother told him to him to read in his final words. Teachings that draw him much ire from the competing lords as he finds himself more and more determined to end the war quickly. The final one follows Shallan. More disconnected from the other two, Shallan serves as a ward under Dallinar's niece Jasnah, planning to steal her magic catalyst, a fabrial, for her own gain, but finds herself conflicted, as she realizes she truly wants to be a scholar alongside Jasnah.

All three plotlines have unique themes, as well as overlapping ones. A major overarching theme is commitment and doubt. All three characters struggle to fullfil to promises they made to themselves due to increased doubt surrounding viability, morality, and hope. Kaladin begins to doubt his own philosophy, that those who take lives to protect lives are different from those who simply take, and his ability to save his fellow slaves as he subjects himself and his men to harsher conditions as he tries to build hope. Dallinar doubts his own sanity as visions of the past appear before him, urging him to follow the Words that even his son begins to believe are acts of mental instability, and Shallan waffles from her goal as she grows attached to her Master, though begins to doubt her morality. All eventually choose to commit with varying results. I believe this goes beyond typical character conflict that all great characters must face, or overcoming the lie they believe, because they all revolve around their commitment. Kaladin has sworn to protect time and time again, but has consistently failed to do so. Dallinar has committed to doing as his visions have told him: uniting the Alethi, a goal that seems increasingly impossible. Shallan has committed herself to her family, to steal Jasnah's fabrial to save them from financial ruin. It is these promises they have made that drive their turmoil, but they do not serve as mere falsehoods. They serve as tests of conviction, and demonstrate how difficult even goals believed to be noble can be to uphold.

Other themes I found were the co-existing value and naïvety of trust and honor, as well as how the world has been twisted by a lack thereof, by an egotistical philosophy. Dallinar upholds himself as a man and his men as people of honor, as compared to the effective yet cruel rival Brightlord Sadeas. While doubtful, Dallinar chooses to trust those around him as much as he believes is safe, despite this leading him into incredibly dangerous positions. Additionally, Kaladin's honor is initially mocked by his fellow bridgemen, but it slowly turns into a beacon of hope to follow, even as their accomplishments only gain them severe punishments. The bridgemen are treated as subhuman, property able to be bought and sold for a set price, and easily thrown away, though fighting against this all seems futile, as this is simply how the world is, and those in power see no reason to change it.

Additionally, mental health seems to be central to the series as a whole. Kaladin evidently suffers from intense PTSD and depression, with Dallinar likely harboring that same depression. While only hinted at in this novel, I have been told that Shallan also has DID, which is, unlike usual, presented very well. The disorder are all treated accurately and with respect, and show those weighed down by them still managing to push on and build something for themselves.

Most central though seems to be the idea that a single human life has infinite value, humans have also made the world a cruel and terrible place by prioritizing themselves over others at all costs. The only way forward is to take the first the first step with morality and honor, even with it's terrible consequences in the world we have created, because if no one starts, there can be no one to follow.

My thoughts on the novel are overall very positive. I found myself very emotionally attached to the characters, particularly Kaladin, and several moments hit me like an emotional freight train. The world and magic system are both astonishingly unique and endlessly interesting. I find the world holding to be some of the best I've seen in fantasy novels. That being said, I'm not particularly fond of Sanderson's writing style. I find it at times to be overly simplistic, simply stating what is happening without any notable flourishes in style. I found some of that to be the same in his first Wheel of Time novel, but by the time I reached the final installment, he had found a wonderful balance of his own while recapturing some of Jordan's. I should not have expected that style here, especially as this novel was written 4 years before A Memory of Light, and yet I still found myself a small bit disappointed. That being said, I don't find the style egregious, just mediocre. The world, characters, themes and conveyance of emotion more than make up for it, and I look forward to the next novel with great anticipation.

Next, I plan to read 1984, a novel I am shocked I have yet to read, as it aligns well with my interests and I previously greatly enjoyed Orwell's Animal Farm. It's far shorter than Stormlight Archive novels, so it should not take me nearly as long. I am busy enough to not have too much time for reading anymore, but I am making an effort to carve out time. I hope to be posting again soon.